Hi Beth. Just wanted to thank you for being so open about your feelings. The Bible says though our heart can deceive us. The Bible says in John3:16 that " for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that who so ever believeth in him , should not perrish, but have everlasting life ". God has a Wonderful plan and purpose for every individual life... including yours! The first step is seeing our need for a Savior. If u want to talk more I'm going to follow u.