This article is mired in a kind of psychologism which mars it a little bit.

The question is not why we should believe in God, but whether or not He exists. We must focus on objective reality in this matter; a more important question could hardly be imagined, and we cannot allow our personal biases or prejudices to contaminate it.

That said, I have a strong sense that there is a power, a being who guides our ends. This much has survived the various spiritual deprivations that I have endured at the hands of this anonymized, unrooted existence... but I find it so difficult to take that final, beautifully naive step, to grasp the promise, the assurance, that 2000 years ago, in a remote province of Roman Judea, the being who created the entire universe sent his son down for the purpose of the forgiveness of humankind's sins.

I have to confess that I don't understand, even on a very abstract level, the significance of the crucifixion, why it was necessary, and how it achieved what it did. I don't understand how people can believe without having a theory about it.

But perhaps (going back to my first point about bias), perhaps this is just the effect of my aseptic millieu? Throughout history, it's been the rule that people believe, act, feel, and accept, long before they analytically understand. But if it's contingent on feeling, then why don't I feel anything?

I don't say that to be cruel, or evil... my heart is hardened. And more and more it feels like everything I say is just an excuse... I mean, I understand everything already. But at the same time, I don't. I feel a powerful resistance, even an antipathy to the whole idea. Anyone who grasps the truth, please pray for me, please help me!