“ I'm hesitant; I can't seem to find myself, my philosophy of life, my personality; it's as if I don't know who I am. Yes, like my peers, I want a career and to attend university, but... Because it would be nice if he desired it, that is, because everyone desires it... Otherwise, I'm not interested in myself. ”
An is how this 18-year-old assesses his lack of zest for life and hunger. "I was extremely deficient in appetite, still a bit like that, they put a lot of pressure on me to eat, I wouldn't eat either," he says, adding that his lack of appetite, which we discussed spiritually, is also a part of his life in a concrete sense.
This young man believed that his needs were so strong and dangerous that he would isolate himself and try to control them, cutting himself off as if he were devoid of desire and emotion. The base of creativity Winnicott writes about, "being alive, experiencing the feeling that life is meaningful and real," appeared foreign to this young guy.
As in this case report, we are resentful of life, believing that all of our energy has been spent on something, and all we want to do is complete our tasks and responsibilities before retiring to our corner in the evening. After thinking, "Oh, that's how everyone is," we may feel abandoned, give up on dreaming, or be unable to dream.
When we try to live our life in this way, the sensation of misery grows to a point where we can no longer bear it and we begin to doubt everything we've ever experienced. In fact, reflecting on our lives is possibly the most important first move we can do for ourselves. For instance, we can ask ourselves, "What type of life have I made for myself that makes me feel lifeless in it?" or "What is it in my life that I am missing that makes this existence more bearable for me?" Answering these questions honestly will provide us with the key to unlock the doors we seek. Naturally, our early responses to these questions will be oblique, not necessarily indicating what we desire. I understand it's not easy...
We only need to lift the lid and take a look. In fact, with this response, we're attempting to sense the emotion we're attempting to perceive. Let's say you say money is missing in your life; let's say you answered from a very material place; now ask yourself, "What gap will money cover in my life?" The drive for power, the desire to be prestigious, the desire to blend into life from a higher echelon or to be a member of the upper socioeconomic class... According to answers like these, it's much easier to find your true want by asking more questions, figuring out what's lacking, and meeting the wishes of the real "me."
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It can be difficult to locate your own desire, your own voice, and distinguish it from the many strong desire voices around you (such as excessively authoritarian or oppressive parents). In other words, when an entanglement that hinders separation prevents an individual from creating his own desires and the person is unable to move beyond becoming an object of identification that reflects others' demands...
In such circumstances, our lives are continually focused on pleasing others, and the dread of disappointing them or making mistakes makes making decisions extremely difficult. The steps we shall take are shaped by their decision. As a result, we live a life where we aren't ourselves, we can't hear or hear our own voices, and even when spring arrives and all the hues in nature come alive, we stare and watch through the window with our tired spirit... Our soul laments the loss of life's grieving.