Annie, it sounds like you are between pathways. You are not a true atheist but an agnostic because you believe in a higher power.

Finding your own "Faith" is a personal journey. Modern Christianity will only get you lost. I suggest you do a little exploring about Orthodox Christianity. A very good book to read is "Christ the External Dao." The book merges the concept of the Dao IS God which is a non-entity.

Let me share this with you from someone that has walked your path.

Only modern Christianity has defined God as an entity. God is NOT an entity. It is given many names, such as the father but that title doesn't mean it is an entity but a "source." That source is also called the Dao which many eastern religion mentions. The Dao is also your definition of "life force."

The Great Shism or the split in Christianity created the downfall of Christianity. This created the Catholic faith or the "false faith." I am going to brief about this as possible. During this time, there were priests (now called Catholic priests who wanted power.) They created the split from the original Christianity (which is Orthodox Christianity or Eastern Christianity) so that can declare their power in society by making a claim that only the priest has the priviledge to communicate with God to create some kind of authority. This was the primary reason for the Great Schism of Christianity because of the hunger for power by these priests.

Ever since then the Christian religion or modern Christianity has been false teaching. This is also the cause of the misunderstanding of God. Eastern Christianity or Orthodox Christianity does NOT follow the ego or declaring they are special individuals or the "greatest creature in this vast universe." Giving up your ego is called humility which stops you in creating blind illusion of yourself.

Orthodox Christianity teaches you to follow your "higher level of consciousness" which allows you to connect with the "source." Orthodox Christianity doesn't teach you dogma which is right or wrong. Accepting something without questioning is called Dogma that is "blind faith."

Orthodox Christianty teaches you to "experience" God & NOT accept it blindly.

The true definition of the "sin" means missing the mark that means separating yourself from the "source."

The best way to describe this is Karma. Karma is your connection with the source and eventually all your actions will be judge and is a direct result of the changes in your life.