Assertiveness a Dilemma

Assertiveness is a quality that people possess. The quality is based on the right to express one's own rights. However, it can be a source of frustration and stress. Taking into consideration your beliefs and the context of the situation will help you analyze your assertiveness. You can also find ways to improve your assertiveness.


One way to approach assertiveness is to consider how people view your behavior in a given situation. This is important because it can have a positive or negative impact on the outcome of the interaction. If you have a poor perception of others' behavior, you are likely to behave timidly. Conversely, if you have a good impression of other people, you are more likely to act assertively.

A good example of this is the manager who wants to get a 10% raise, but doesn't want to pay more. He or she may be dithering or making good decisions in general. Other people may view this as a self-absorbed person.

Another example is the spouse who believes she has little control over her partner's actions. She may believe her results in life are mostly determined by chance or luck. While this is a common thought, it is also a mistake. It can lead to low assertiveness and a lack of social skills. In contrast, the spouse who believes she has a lot of control over her partner's actions develops better social skills.

A major factor behind interpersonal behaviors is motivation. Motivations can help explain why people might make a choice, which can then affect the relationship. Motivations are influenced by individual differences, situational differences, and organizational culture. There are different types of motivations and their effects on behavior vary widely. Among the most common are the prosocial motives, which seek to achieve a valued outcome, and the other-oriented motivations, which seek to achieve a desired outcome through reciprocation.

Although there are many factors that affect the type of assertiveness people will display, there are three primary predictors. The first is the person's expectancies. Some people expect aggressive and assertive behaviors to be beneficial and to generate benefits. Others think aggressive and assertive behaviors will harm others. Regardless of the factors that influence a person's expectations, people will generally vary in the degree to which they feel they can exercise their assertiveness.

Assertiveness can be seen as a balance between socially appropriate behaviors and one's own priorities. For example, if you want to influence someone, it is important to make an appointment at a time when they are more likely to be heard. Also, it is a win-win process if you modify a request. By doing so, you will decrease the likelihood of the other person walking away.

Motivations and mental models are important factors in determining the kind of assertiveness people display. Many dimensions of social behavior are maladaptive in extremes. Nevertheless, if you know the right times to be assertive, you can improve your relationships.