After reading your post, I know you won't take my advice, and that's okay, because I been where you have been, kinda still am. I can only share my own experiences and let others take what they will from it. My post is not to say how to fix it in 5 easy step bullshit, it's to show how to recognise a problem and when you do, fight! And do something about it, to not give up and to say fuck depression, and fuck anxiety, it ain't worth going through. Hope you get through it my friend!