”When I get that job, when I buy that house, when I get that phone, when I meet my soul mate...,” I think to myself. Were these ideals not firmly planted in the hearts and minds of everyone present? What if I told you that the structure of our minds encourages us to be deceived and disappointed by our views...
Isn't it true that we sometimes be too certain about what will make us happy? Every day, we are inundated with ideas about what will make us happy. This is especially true in western society, which encourages consumption and encourages social comparisons on all sides. Women who recommend products and processes so that we can be as attractive as they are on social media, privileged people who live in wealth and describe it with their white teeth and body language that demonstrates that they are having a good time, social media phenomena with thousands of followers and inaccessible likes, eating and spending time elsewhere on a daily basis, etc.
Photoshop users, who have been subjected to numerous sorts of processing, who have achieved success in their occupations, who are extraordinarily hardworking, exceptionally funny, and exceptionally happy... There are a plethora of examples. When we are repeatedly exposed to these types of situations, our minds, which are incapable of deducing what makes us happy, almost seem to want to make us miserable. You could be perplexed as to why. Allow me to share something with you...
Despite our expectations, the external variables that we hope would bring us happiness (money, commodities, an amazing career, a lover, belongings, and so on) have a smaller impact on our happiness than we think. Although this statement may not have been very persuasive when you first read it, I'm confident that you now agree. After that, I'll explain why you shouldn't believe this assertion.
With regard to the mind, Dan Gilbert and Tim Wilson make an important argument. According to a personality feature known as miswanting, we humans have a tendency to be mistaken about what we will love in the future and for how long we will love it. There are four important characteristics of our minds that will surprise you when you read about them in this section.
Our strongest intuitions are frequently wrong: the mind is frequently wrong about how to feel about a certain situation, despite our best efforts. It leads you to believe that bad things will get worse and pleasant things will get even better as time goes on. It, on the other hand, can quickly adjust to both favourable and negative conditions.
The mind prefers to consider in terms of comparisons rather than absolutes. Or, to put it another way, the size of each of the circles in the middle of the image below is dictated by the size of the circles surrounding it, as seen below. As a result, the orange circle on the left appears to be smaller than the orange circle on the right.
In actuality, they are the same height and width. This is due to the fact that we use other circles in our immediate vicinity as reference points. Similarly, we do not pay attention to the absolute size of the orange circles and instead make decisions based on the size of the circles surrounding them in our daily lives. Because of this, we set unreasonably high standards on ourselves. In addition, we believe that our comparisons are credible in nature. I feel like we're comparing our lives to those of Rihanna... Of course, this makes us feel horrible about ourselves.
Therefore, beliefs such as "I'll be happy when I have that amazing job, when my salary increases, when I find the appropriate partner, when I get married, when I buy that house, when I have that fit physique" are simply that: beliefs. Although this does not imply "getting go of things," it is critical to let go of the belief that "I shall be happy as a result of these." Because happiness is a way of life that develops as a result of adopting specific habits, rather than a state of being that varies in response to external circumstances...