Some plan their lives very carefully, and that takes discipline, a continuous climb to become what one envisions that living and life should be. For he or she. The human they want to be. Or what their family expected them to be, or a family one wanted to leave, and "achieve" much better than they.
Been there and done that myself, from time to time and many times over the years, but there was always a wall in front of me, a mirror maybe, perhaps to see the furrowed brow in me, when I tried to pretend to be other than me?
The only thing I ever knew for certain when I left home at 18 is that I wanted to take care of me. I just had this real thirst to be free, while still feeling desperate for love, and it always ended in an impossibility for me, the love thing. Not to say that I never felt loved, and have felt it in return, but it just didn't work out for me long term. I had a chip on my shoulder, and I will admit it now. Guess that's me.
We all judge each other, and even compete, because we are really just animals that can speak, and mostly our talk is contentious and adversarial these days, mostly due to media "speak".
Life, I believe, was never intended to be easy or even comprehensive in so many ways, and media and modern technology has made it all ever more confusing.
The only way to even begin to trust another is to look straight into their eyes. That is where human contact begins, or dies. Everything else is a lie.
Start there.