---

Mindful Moment #3

Setting boundaries with others. This is one of my most profound lessons and I’m still actively learning it in middle age.

The first step to being able to set proper boundaries with others is: 1.) knowing exactly who you are; and 2.) realizing your own self worth. Knowing your own self worth is immensely powerful.

The holidays are fast approaching and this is primetime for gatherings with family, both immediate and extended. It’s also the season for those passive/aggressive people among us to, half-jokingly, complain about how dysfunctional their families are on social media. As the great Geoffrey Chaucer said, “...many a true word hath been spoke in jest.”

Most every family has that one person who drinks too much, can’t help but antagonize and lure others into some kind of argument (political or otherwise), or has a habit of putting people down to try to make themselves feel better. It’s okay, and perfectly healthy, to let these people know their behavior is unacceptable. Their behavior is always more about them than it is their target.

Setting boundaries is just as important in business. We have to make sure people keep their promises, treat us with respect, and hold them accountable when they don’t. Letting those you work with know immediately when they’ve stepped over the line of what you consider to be acceptable will most often make them take their bad behavior elsewhere.

Often we shy away from calling people out on their bad behavior because we don’t want to rock the boat. We look at it as some kind of an assault against that person treating us badly instead of just communicating our own expectations of what is okay. Ironically, letting bad behavior slide and by dodging confrontation even once we often set ourselves up for a lifetime of having to deal with it. Actually being honest with ourselves and others is very compassionate.

---

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and they say yes when they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” ~ Brene Brown

---

Life becomes so much easier when you communicate your wants, needs, and expectations to those friends, family, and colleagues around you. The very first step is knowing who you are and realizing your own self worth. There’s no better way to accomplish this than the introspection and valuable insight gained in meditation.

Putting Words Into Action

The 5/5/5 technique of seated meditation allows you to center yourself so let’s start with that.

Begin by sitting upright in a comfortable chair then:*

1. Inhale for a count of 5;
2. Hold the breath for a count of 5;
3. Exhale for a count of 5; and
4. Repeat for as long as you like (at least 3 repetitions).

After you practice this very simple meditation technique for even a few minutes it’s very helpful to linger in that place of peace and calm, focusing your mind on your self worth and the unique skill set you bring to the world.

After you’ve done this grab your mobile phone or a scrap of paper and pen and list out some of your basic wants, needs, and expectations when it comes to interacting with others personally and professionally. It’s very important to type/write these out and keep them in a place that you can refer to them often.

As you go about your day, begin to identify interactions and situations when you feel as though your boundaries are being crossed and let people know immediately when they do it. You’ll find that most people will honor your wishes but a handful won’t. You have to be honest with yourself and decide if you’re willing to deal with their bad behavior. If the answer is no, you have to be prepared to end that relationship. I’ve had to do this with old friends and family members.

Change won’t happen overnight. It takes work to rewire your brain after lifelong patterns of behavior. In the end, the result of setting boundaries will be a higher quality of life, more self-confidence, and the respect of those around you. Remember say no when you need to and yes when you mean it.

Are you finding this series helpful? If so please #resteem and let me know in the comments below.

In Gratitude,

~ Eric Vance Walton ~

Did you miss Mindful Moments 1 or 2?

(Gif sourced from Giphy.com)

---

*I am an American novelist, poet, traveler, and crypto-enthusiast. If you’ve enjoyed my work please sign up for my author newsletter at my website. Newsletter subscribers will receive exclusive updates and special offers and your information will never be sold or shared.

Alarm Clock Dawn, one of the first full length novels published on the blockchain, and the book that started it all for me can be found HERE. Or Click Here to read it for free on the Steemit blockchain

My meditation book, The Perfect Pause, is priced at $12.99 (paperback) and $4.99 (eBook). Buy the paperback and receive the eBook for free!

Let’s Keep In Touch

www.ericvancewalton.net