Guilt and shame are two emotions that greatly influence our self-esteem and stress levels, affecting our behavior, thoughts, and relationships in various ways.
While often confused, these feelings are distinct and impact us differently. They stem from our upbringing, culture, and social expectations, playing a key role in how we view ourselves and our self-worth.
This post will explain what guilt and shame are, how they manifest, and their connection to self-esteem and stress.
Guilt is the emotion we feel when we believe we have done something wrong. It indicates that our actions have violated a moral or ethical standard, often prompting us to seek to correct the mistake. Guilt focuses on our actions and their effects.
In contrast, shame is not just about what we do; it concerns our perception of ourselves. Shame involves a feeling of being fundamentally flawed or insufficient.
While guilt encourages us to reflect on a specific behavior, shame leads us to believe there is something wrong with our very essence. This makes shame more harmful to our self-esteem, as it creates a negative view of ourselves.
Guilt and shame can be expressed in various emotional, cognitive, and physical ways.
Emotionally, guilt may bring feelings of sadness, regret, and a desire to apologize or make amends. It often motivates actions aimed at fixing the situation, such as seeking forgiveness.
Shame, however, usually results in feelings of worthlessness and inferiority, sometimes leading to self-loathing. While guilt can inspire positive change, shame often causes us to retreat. We may isolate ourselves or avoid situations that could trigger those painful feelings.
Cognitively, guilt can lead to self-reflection, where we analyze how we could have behaved differently. We concentrate on the specific action that caused guilt and search for ways to improve.
In contrast, shame affects our beliefs about ourselves. We might start to think of ourselves as “bad” or “inadequate,” resulting in a negative self-image that can harm our self-esteem over time.
Physically, both guilt and shame can show in our bodies. Guilt might make us feel anxious, restless, or uneasy, such as having a knot in our stomach. Shame may feel like an overwhelming weight, and some people describe it as a desire to disappear or hide.
Guilt occurs when we sense we have acted wrongly or against our own or others’ moral values. This can range from minor issues like being late to significant mistakes that hurt others.
While feeling guilty is not inherently harmful, it can become damaging if we start to label ourselves as “bad” based on our actions.
If guilt is left unchecked or becomes excessive, it can adversely affect our self-esteem.
Constantly feeling guilty about past mistakes or things beyond our control can cause us to adopt these feelings as part of our identity. This may result in a self-view where we see ourselves as less valuable or less deserving individuals.