I often wonder what planet am I on? As I was walking earlier tonight through a darkened Orange County neighborhood where street lights have yet to be invented for some reason
I felt like a taxi with no final destination.
I used to think just being back in my old stomping grounds I'd feel happier. Yes and No. This time, I'm back yet my family is no longer existant and my friends are no longer the Lost Boys, they've chosen the domesticated hwy.
So, I'm alone again. I'm thinking 20yrs to life with this same status. I suppose things could be worse, but things might never be this good again. Just a common theme that haunts me.
Maybe I'm stuck in the past and why wouldn't I be. Life was a lot more attractive back then.
Since my grandfather passed away, my 86yr old grandmother has been alone. A never more appropriate invitation to stay with her for a couple nights in her lonely senior care apartments came about.
After all she adopted and raised me. Its only natural to want to come home.
Unfortunately, even the wake of my grandfather's death, my greed soaked / power hungry / cold hearted mother (who's mission statement has been to ruin every existence of me the last 5yrs) saw my reconnection with the woman who raised me since infancy, as an endangerment to her legal dominance over her mother and plotted to remove me. Not just removed with a friendly note passed from an office secretary, but removed in the style I've known so well with her since childhood, with vitriolic violence by proxy.. the police.
Like a scene out of the show 'Cops' two cargo pant baton grappling former High School jocks barged through an empty apartment consisting of just me, and non politely told me to leave now or be arrested.
Whisked away in a perp fashioned order; the apartment staff, badge carrying bouncers, judas goat caregiver and my confused grandmother watched me leave with humiliation written across my face. You couldn't write a better drama filled exit than the one I gave. Unbelievable!
Why is this happening? A question I've asked for 5yrs straight. Why have I been pulled away from everything I've ever known? My grandparents.
Why has God cursed me with an evil villain of a mother?
This reoccurring lesson that I learn several times a year is that when money, greed and jealously is at play and your parents are elderly, the ones who you assume have your best interest will plot against you in a power grab.
When you're growing up around mentally unfit people it's hard to recognize that they're not well because they're people like your mother and it's all you know. Take Note and Take Action.
In conclusion, what I endured is another countless example of the personal struggle I've endured over time, it just reminds me that there's no one else impress, there's no one else to rely on, there's nothing at all left to lose.. its just me in this bizarre reality. I could fold my cards and some say I should.
I'm realizing the older I get I'm not of this earth.
So I ask myself, what planet am I really on?