Coma
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my mind soars
out of body
a inter-dimensional comet
radio transmitted
though the ether
is it a rendezvous
or a solar flare
invasion
a whirlwind of messages
pass through a porous nucleus
received, given, and left behind
burnt off and forgotten
my identity…
embellished
incensed
scattered
shed
turn yourself loose
the satellites implore
stop and join us
trade your juggernaut perspiration
for an opalescent sheen
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Attributions
image 1 by Xavier121
image 2 by E. Kolmhofer, H. Raab; Johannes-Kepler-Observatory, Linz, Austria
Coma is copyright Pryde Foltz
Link to contest page ...https://steemit.com/steemitschool/@d-pend/announcing-the-steemit-school-poetry-100-day-challenge
Join the steemit school on discord https://discord.gg/q9VEn5n
The boreal constellation remains strong with the satellites united. In the union of atoms is the strength of the nucleus
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Thank you, Cordero:)
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I love the comparison with satellites, as a whole, a body in themselves. Embodiment is a strange thing. How consciousness is - or can feel - localised to one place and time, while simultaneously existing in a distributed state across neurones, across time itself, perhaps not even originating in the 'mind' at all... that's where I go when I read this anyway haha.
Wonderfully expressed, and your indents and line breaks are on point too!
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Thank you, lazarus. I appreciate very much your interpretation and the comment about indentation ... one has to be careful with that kind of thing or the poem's meaning can be lost:)
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Hi, @prydefoltz ☻
I was reading various poems to correct my weekly find and I must definitely stop here and comment.
Images here are strong because they're specific and well thought. I feel this piece like the design of an architect. The analogy between mind and space is just genius. I had forgotten how nice it was to read you, @prydefoltz (well, I hadn't; it's just a saying).
Indentations create ellipses which gives the reader just the right time to elaborate the image and generate that meaning which links to the next line (similar to what happens with chained rhymes, but in this case with images) --an effect you can hardly achieve by using the traditional layout.
It's fun that this reminds me of @lazarus-wist's poetry (I mean all good by this loose comparison) and can see his clever comment here (always thourough and enlightening, by the way).
For some reason, I thought you had dropped out. Happily, you are still here and I can choose this piece as my weekly find for the second round of comments, Week 11.
I was particularly impressed by the last two stanzas:
Why? Well, the satellites speak and we finally confirm what we had probably guessed already; our speaker is trying hard; she’s dealing with this alluring voice, all these messages. How long can she help giving in?
The iridescence that irradiates the end alludes to images of the space and the oneiric experience. Beautiful ♥
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A very lovely and in-depth read. Thank you, Marlyn. No I have not dropped out the challenge:) Hope you are having a wonderful day:)
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Goodness
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