Under the Rim. An epic galactic romp.
Intro and verses 1-20
Verses 21-40
Verses 41-50
“The crew had been drinking and now they were all
In the midst of an unsober revel
As they were carousing I got a beer dowsing
They thought I was not on the level
“But changing their minds they soon all sobered up
And began to work out a good plan
Then they sunk some more booze at the thought of the ooze
And charged into the john as a man
“The fate that befell them is best left unsaid
Of the blood and the gore there's no question
Though I wasn't plucky I admit I was lucky
Because they upset its digestion
“The Captain and I found a handy space-port
And completed a hasty inspection
We hitched a quick ride ere the spreading green tide
Could add us to its meatball collection
“'Wilton' the spacetraders now call that planet
'Wilton', a funny name, mark it
It's a bit of a shame, I suppose we're to blame
That the surface is one seething carpet
“But we'd got away and now I shall go on
The slime, by the way, went on also
I'd nearly forgotten the stuff foul and rotten
Till the engineer showed us his torso
“It was ghastly – his skin was all covered with it
On his back it fair hissed and it bubbled
But once over the shock we threw him out the lock
And continued our journey untroubled
“He went into orbit around a white dwarf
And no more the green slime did we see
We thought it had gone but it all turned out wrong
Just wait for verse hundred and three
“That's my first adventure aboard a space-trader
Now let us get back to the present
We're still being chased – a worse foe I've not faced
When upset he can be quite unpleasant”
Upon hearing the end of their Cap'n's true tale
The crew leapt off after some rougher fun
Stifling their yawns in a flash they were gone
Before he could start on another one
Verses 51-60
Feeling secure they all had their rough fun
Then went back to their quarters to sleep
As they were all tired they did not set a guard
And the Grey Fleet up on them did creep
They encircled th'Undaunted without further ado
What hope for the ship could there seem?
With tractor and pressor they began to caress 'er
Then poured out their death-dealing beam
Loud sirens and flashes sprang sudden to life
The whole space of the ship was a-clamour
The screens were not old but how long could they hold
'Gainst the blows which upon them did hammer?
Green smoke billowed up as conducting bars melted
The scene in the ship was a riot
The defence was near done – soon grey death would come
When all of a sudden was … quiet …
The fleet could be seen but it wasn't in action
That beam was no longer out-thrust
“Why have they stopped when their prize is near-copped?”
Was a question the crew hadn't sussed
Their question was answered when soon there appeared
In the ship a most strange apparition
A grey misty figure grew bigger and bigger
Then told them about their position
“UNDAUNTED,” it boomed, “DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE
THE FIVE-HUNDREDTH SHIP SAVED IN THIS WISE?
IF YOU OR YOUR FOE CAN COMPLETE THIS SHORT SLOGAN
YOU WILL QUALIFY FOR A PRIZE!”
There followed a phrase in Xylplixian script
The totality of which was confusing
They were told by their guest as he ogled Callest
He would not find failure amusing
Panic-stricken by now they turned to the computer
T'unscramble the mad hieroglyphics
As they'd never heard a Xylplixian word
They all slept and it weren't by sop'rifics
The computer computed it all on its own
Tumbled gibberish out of its speaker
To their vast surprise the crew opened tired eyes
As the damn machine screamed out “Eureka!”
Image: Pixabay
