Three hacks to have what you want from others

in psychology •  7 years ago 


Have you ever wanted to increase your influence on other people, make yourself more loveable and motivate people to rally around your opinion? Through some books and articles I read, here are the three advices I find more useful! Enjoy!

#1 Do not criticize other people

As far as you can think, do you ever remember of one time when a criticism you made to other people has really improve the situation? Or on the opposite, do you remember of one time a person made you feel bad by criticizing something you made, and that you had taken this criticism totally positively, and improved yourself like right away?

In fact, maybe you had improved yourself. But when you think of the person who criticized you, there is a lot of hard feelings. For example, in third grade when my math teacher said to me "if you go on like that, you are going to fail all your math tests and surely do again one more year of school" in front of the whole class, I decided that I hated him. He made me fail my test, of course, but the next year I made all my best to show him that he was not right, that I could make it. So yes, I improved myself but each time I think of him, it just makes me really (REALLY) angry and I clearly want to never see him again.

A critic may strongly discourage the person who receives it. Sometimes they can just lose their self-confidence and never feel anything towards you than bitterness, and that is not great if you still have something to do or live with this person.

Moreover, make a critic and complain about something is very easy, everyone can do that. But try to understand why the other person has acted like that and forgive them is more difficult and require a strong greatness of spirit.

#2 Compliment others

If you want others to make an action, you just have to create in them the desire to make that action. And everyone wishes to be accepted, beloved and showed importance. Do you see the link?

If you support someone, if you revive his enthusiasm about something, you will see the best of this person. It meets my first point: with critics you got nothing, with compliments you got everything! Hurt someone's self-love will not take you any further. You have to show your interest to the person you are talking with. Showing consideration to someone can really make someone feel better! And everyone wants to be congratulated, children or grown-ups.

Of course, I am not talking about flattery or something, but more about a true and honest compliment. It's like almost a new way of thinking and living, you will have to be more positive and optimist about other people. I think that we do not show enough admiration and respect for the actions that other people do in our daily lives. For example, when your dad takes the time to cook for you and you don't even bother to say something like "oh, it's yummy", he probably will not try to make something better the second time.

#3 Give reasons to others to follow you

Stop talking about what you desire to others. To them, it is quite not interesting. Everyone is interested in what they desire, but not on others' desires. Here, your only way to have influence on the person you are talking to it's to speak about what him desire and to show him how he can arrive at that.

All the actions that you have accomplished since your birth was motivated by your desires. So, to have an influence on someone to make something you desire, you will have to wake an idea of desire in them. It is the most difficult advice that I give you tonight, but with some training, it becomes more and easier. You have to ask yourselves: "how can I bring him to want what I am asking to him?" And for that, you have to put yourself in the other's place: what does he want from that situation? why? Then when you ask him, put an accent on the benefits he will gain from this action, based on what he desires, without talking about what you will gain from his action.

A good example is a curriculum vitae. Instead of talking about what you desire to gain from this job, talk about what the employer may desire ("you want to help the company to reach its goals",...).

I hope these little hacks will help you to be more successful in your next interactions!

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Hi @jarendesta! It really has been a pleasure to read your post, I had a long time without reading a publication that will be based on teaching to give, instead of receiving...
I consider that the human being is full of virtues and sometimes we do not give ourselves the time to discover them. Long ago adopt the phrase of a movie, because it said that we must act with "Goodness, Piety and Love" with the faithful conviction of wanting for others what you are looking for you.
I will be waiting to read your post and I will publish this in my Blog.
Greetings from this little fish!

Dude I'm all about the life hacks! Love your post, I try to focus mainly on writing stuff like this, I really like practical psychology. And Dale Carnegie is just amazing I absolutely adore his work! Quality stuff here people, listen to this guy!

If you want something from someone, you have to make sure they do a little thing for you first. Something like holding something in your hand or helping you carry it.

Small trick with great effect.

good work very good post

Great post! Followed, Upvoted and Resteemed by @cryptoryno33

With heart ^^ Thank you for sharing~

Good phrases for life

Nice article man :)

@jarendesta i strongly believe in this posts. Real, straight-up and practical.

My high point is: "A good example is a curriculum vitae. Instead of talking about what you desire to gain from the job, talk about what the employer may desire"

I have been in such situation and that mentality got me the job

good work in the artical.thanks for sharing.

Or change your name to Derren Brown

Thank you so much for those two points (complement others and give reason to others to follow you) I would say I am trying when it comes to complementing others because sometimes it just comes out of me naturally but the part that discussed about giving reason to others to follow you, I am really lagging behind because I spend more time with people talking basically about myself , how I achieved certain things, how I plan to do certain things that would be of benefits to me and so on. I can't remember helping others to achieve something that is not directly or indirectly related to me. I would say I have really benefited from this post I am certainly going to apply them not really because I want to increase my influence on other people rather it is because I think it is a good and right thing to do. Stay blessed

Great posts!

this is really a great post thanks for sharing it with us one of the best post's ever :)

I think it is all about the balance between our own and other people's needs, as well as about developing a general positive perspective on things in life, and the other people. :)

good reading thanks

It's easy to criticize and complain, It's easy to be depressed and angry for the things that people do. It's very difficult to take it like it comes, It's very difficult to accept other people personality and understand they aren't perfect.
But if we really try and we compliment other people, we really focus on the good side of them, we are going to have better relationships.

I find it helpful to try and meet people where they are. So rather than attempting to win a point or persuade someone you're right, why empathise with their point of view and find an agreement that pleases both parties.

As Stephen Covey said,

"When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it's like giving them emotional oxygen."