Written by the Authority on Self-esteem
Nathaniel Branden wrote his first book on self- esteem in 1969 and the Six Pillars of self-esteem was published in 1994. In that time frame, Branden wrote several other books about self-esteem, had a thriving practice as a clinical psychologist and conducted many workshops on self-esteem. Within the first sixty six pages you become very aware that the he is an expert on the concept of self-esteem. The fact that the book is still in print and selling well all these years later is a testament to its value and effectiveness.
Expectations and Definitions
Since reading the book, the topic of self-esteem has come up a lot. Many people I spoke with believed they had low self-esteem, but, according to the definition offered in the book they actually have a healthy self-esteem. Before reading the book, I associated self esteem with confidence, gregariousness, and certain forms success. While confidence is part of the definition, many who display certain forms of confidence actually have low self-esteem as they may lack the awareness to deal with basic life challenges such as personal relationships. Some may think that successful people have high self esteem. However, if success is a result of seeking self-worth rather than a result of high self-worth that individual probably has low-self esteem. On the other hand if feel like you can deal with the challenges of life, have confidence in your ability to be successful, and have a sense of self-worth then you have high self-esteem. Having low self confidence in certain situations is normal and can healthy.
Branden defines self-esteem as:
“Confidence in our ability to think and confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life, and confidence in our right to be successful and happy,the feeling of being worthy, deserving, or entitled to assert our needs and wants, achieve our values and enjoy the fruits of our efforts”
What are the Six Pillars?
- Living consciously
- Self-Acceptance
- Self-Responsibility
- Self-Assertiveness
- Living Purposefully
- Personal Integrity
Reciprocal Causation
You may have heard or even said “how can I get a job with no experience when the job is where I get the experience”. Some may say that about the six pillars self-esteem. For example, “how can I can improve my assertiveness when I'm not assertive”. The concept of Reciprocal Causation has to do with doing the thing you’re trying to acquire as an expression of the what you’re trying to become. So if you’re trying to become more assertive and you decide you’re going to start stating your needs and speaking up for yourself more often, you are, in that very moment becoming and really are assertive. Many people I work with are on the sidelines of life just waiting to become the individuals they desire to be without doing the action, or giving up on the action way too soon to realize the change. By engaging in the activity consistently you begin to notice the benefits and miss it when you don’t engage in that positive behavior. I really resonated with this concept as I believe it gets to the heart of what it means to embody a new behavior in order to fundamentally change your life. Reciprocal Causation is about realizing that, by doing the action, your are not just becoming who you want to be, you are who you desire to be. Now doesn’t that feel good? Many people feel they’re never going to “get there” or it’s going to too long. Celebrate the fact that you currently taking action, it’s happening NOW! Besides, you may never truly “get there” as it’s really about the journey.
A Format for Rational Thinkers
We loved the format of the book. The chapters on the six pillars began with a list of the subsets of that pillar, then a detailed explanation of each subset, followed by examples from his clinical experience, followed by personal examples. The format of the book offers a variety of dimensions to each concept, and a variety of ways to examine each dimension. All of it based on reason and logic. If you appreciate directness and rationality (both aspects of self-esteem) you will appreciate the way this book is written.
The Power of Sentence Stems
The primary mode for improving self-esteem offered in the book is the use of sentence stems. These are incomplete sentences that you finish. It’s a way to reflect on the various concepts related to self-esteem. Branden refers to them as “potent devices for deprograming”. An idea a completely agree with. Take a look at the challenge bellow if you’re curious and want to give a few a try right now.
Not your average “Self-Help” Book
I was self-conscious about reading a book with “self-esteem” in big block letters on the cover. I don't want to be “that guy” reading the self-help book about self-esteem in public. But this book is not what you may expect from reading the title. It’s not filled with frothy platitudes and formulaic stories meant to convey a contrived message about self-esteem (which is what I picture when I think about some self-help books). It is packed with practical example and tools that can help anyone, especially if you think you don’t have low self-esteem ;)
The Challenge
- Use the book to review the 6 pillars of self-esteem
- Pick a pillar that seems like your biggest current deficiency
- Choose one week of stems
- Do the stems from that week every day for five days
- On day six create an action plan based on the revelations from the previous 5 days.
- Take action!
Are you ready to partake in the challenge? If so, watch our challenge video by clicking the link below, so you can get all the details you need to succeed!