You're not stupid. I've been in a similar situation and the best advice I can give you is to not go back to him. It will be so fucking hard to do this, but you will. And you will be so happy you did. You should spend some time working on you, lovely. Learn to find happiness in yourself. Happiness that is not dependent on others. Find a healthy activity to do whenever you think of him. I practice yoga and that has helped me so much. It gets my out of my own head and into my body. Hope this helps. 💕