Wow, thanks so much for the response. Honestly it inspires me to keep going. I received a ton of accusations of being a liar here for poasting so publicly and got harassed for quite awhile due to the nature of my posts. I even literally had my PTSD triggered by some violent threats so it definitely isn't easy for me to post like I do but I also shared my blogs in a support group I am in on facebook and had many women writing me about how much my blog helped them to open up about their abuse so that inspired me to keep posting openly. In the process I definitely hardened up a bit also.

I know what you mean about the constant doubt and accusations getting to your psyche though. They have done that to me also. I plan to write a book called "The victim card" that is about how people treat a victim when they simply become empowered enough to open up about abuse. Normal, everyday people become suddenly antagonizing and interrogating. I find it....for lack of a better word, fascinating. I think maybe a person having their world-view shaken to the point of accepting terrible abuse taking place constantly, and for some people, repeatedly may just be too much to swallow and so for some it may be easier to lash out, demand a person is lying, and deny the events ever happened, even with no proof.

I actually lost a very close friend once I started blogging like this. He had written my boyfriend who was saying some nasty things about me to his ex and then had me read the emails, all about how I am "playing the victim" and this friend read them and behind my back wrote my ex to praise him for "calling me out". This friend is a rich, white, incredibly privileged male who has admittedly never been abused and says he has loving parents that never wronged him. So, why does he feel it is his place to comment on a woman's life who has no blood relatives left after cutting out the abuse and spent her life from the age of 5 on being repeatedly molested and raped? Where does he get off thinking he has any idea of what this does to a person's psyche or how they should cope? I had to dig to find out which friend it was because my ex wouldnt tell me who said it and honestly I figured it out just by thinking of my privileged male friends, and I ended up right.

Wowee, hadn't planned such a rant but it happens when you start opening up about such deep, dark shit. Feel free to follow me and if you want you can even reach out on fb, I am in support groups and such there. But thank you for inspiring me to keep it raw and honest and reminding me of why I did in the first place.

<3 We got this.