The Illusion of Control: "I didn't have a choice"

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Incentives and Choice

Sometimes we are presented with incentives that encourage and discourage particular behavior.

I find, that we often interpret this variance in incentives present to us as discrete restrictions on choices we can make.

Or perhaps we tell ourselves pleasant lies, to soothe internal dissonance we feel upon taking decisions that we don't find altogether pleasant.

I'll use a personal anecdote to convey this idea more clearly.

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Obligation to Parents

I had a fairly comfortable childhood. A stable two-parent family. I was fed well every day: breakfast, lunch (rather money for school meals) and dinner.  I even received a monthly allowance so that I could afford pretty much whatever I wanted.

So when my parents would ask me to "take out the trash", or some other arbitrary house chore, I would comply without question.

I didn't reason much, I just felt as though I had to do it.

As I grew older, the scope of their dictate would include what exams I should sit, what colleges I should apply to, what degree I should study. 

And of course, I complied. 

I didn't reason much as to whether or not I personally wanted to make these decisions. I followed my parents' wishes.

Increasingly, I felt as though I didn't have a choice. 

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Clarity

As I grew older, I naturally distanced myself from my parents enough that I became increasingly aware of myself as an individual. 

And I also increasingly distanced myself from my actions, so that I could better understand the motivations behind them.

I'd realized that I hadn't taken much agency in my decisions. I really didn't consider why I should take decisions other than: "because my parents want me to".

 Obviously I wouldn't conflict with what they asked of me, I would intuitively feel.

To add, alternative approaches (e.g. not going to college) that conflicted with what my parents wanted didn't feel like credible options.

I was so comfortable in my familial bubble that I intuitively rejected anything that threatened to disrupt this comfort.

In other words, there was a strong disincentive to conflict with my parents, since they provided this comfort.

In fact, perhaps they had greater clarity than me on this matter,  as they boldly asserted what I should and shouldn't do. 

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Summary

To generalize this, this sentiment of a lack of choice came from blindly following incentives.

Now, perhaps it would have been in my interest anyways to obey them, at least for a certain period of time.

But with distance afforded by a consideration of alternatives, and a clarity of why I'm deciding to obey them, I could make such a decision with greater agency and retrieve a feeling of true choice.

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