Ed made his way home after checking the money had been collected. He was delayed a few minutes because of a burst water main at the end of his street. Now the only problem he had was what to do with it. After Biggie and Keith took their cuts he'd have over 300 grand. The back of his wardrobe would do for now. He didn't trust banks, he'd robbed far too many of them. As he pulled into the garage a text alert sounded. Who'd be sending him a text, was a question only an idiot would ask. Given the easiest way to find out was to read it. Happy Birthday, it read. Sent from a number neither he nor the phone recognised. It wasn't his birthday. Or was it? It was hard to tell when you didn't give a shit about birthdays. That combined with him having over a dozen false identities, along with passports, left an element of doubt. Ed wasn't a hundred percent sure he was British.
Very few people had this number. Only one in fact. Unless Biggie had passed it on. Which would never happen. Therefore it had to come from him. Which led Ed to the conclusion this wasn't his birthday. Biggie had bought him a present. It was the type of thing he did. He didn't skimp either. If Biggie got you a present it was always expensive. It was also potentially deadly. Damn. Due to unforeseen circumstances the surprise had been ruined. Biggie would be devastated. It would break the little guys heart. Ed would have to pretend he was surprised.
He shoved the front door open, picking up the mail, he headed for the living room as he removed his dark glasses and donned the non prescription, plain glass spectacles he habitually wore. Sifting through the bills and flyers distractedly as he walked into the kitchen. Bugger, there was no coffee substitute left. He'd have to drink real coffee. Something had almost caught his attention as he'd walked into this room. He wandered back along his route. There was a note on the breakfast counter, that no one ever ate breakfast at. Reaching out he turned the missive round to see what it said. It was from Andy. You only had to see the kisses at the bottom to know that. Well it was addressed to him so he'd better see what the text said. Ed tutted. He'd change out of his suit now, and not back into his pajamas and robe.
Still perusing the note he passed back into the living room. Five men in black outfits surrounded him. Swishing their sharp blades in intricate arcs. A broad smile lit up his face as Ed looked up at the team of assassins. As one they moved in for the kill. Ed's pistols barked four times. These boys were quick. So quick he'd had to snap the neck of the fifth one. As that body dropped, Ed pulled out his phone again.
"Biggie." He enthused, as it was answered after one ring. "This is why I love you so much. Ninja's? Who else but you would think of sending five Ninja's to kill me. Thanks man. I owe you big time for this."
"Thought you needed a bit of lift Ed. Glad you liked the gift. Sending them to kill you was the least I could do."
"You're a true friend. Must have cost you a fortune."
"Not as much as you'd think. I saved quite a bit, because 50% of the fee was on completion."
"I really appreciate it whatever it cost. Best birthday present ever. You're a true friend."
"You to Ed. If there's anything I can do for you, you only have to ask."
Ed looked at Andy's note.
"Well as a matter of fact, a situation has arisen you might be able to help me with. Get your ass over here as soon as you can."
"Will do." Biggie announced as he stepped out of the kitchen, hanging up his phone.
"What kept you?" He handed over the note.
"So you think you might need an assist? Do you reckon it would be worth calling Keith?"
"Nah. She'll need at least an hour to pick out the right frock. There's no way she's going anywhere in sensible shoes. Let's just tool up and head on out."
Andy was still mansplaining things as the trio skirted another beach. Off in the distance was a three masted 18th century sailing ship. Two long boats had drawn up on the shore. The sailors climbed out, an officer in the lead. Some natives watching them curiously as the men strode up the sand. As soon as they reached the edge of it the party stopped. One of the crewmen striding up to the officer with a Union Jack on a pole.
"Right Boatswain. Stick it there." The officer ordered.
The sailor took another step forward shifting the pole a few inches to either side.
"Do you mean here or here sir?"
The officer was pulling some parchment out.
"It doesn't really matter. Just stick the flag in." The flag was planted, the commander unrolled the scroll. "In the name of King George III I claim this land for the nation of Britain." Some of the natives had wandered over one of them touched the flag. "That's the property of the crown if you don't mind. Now remove yourselves from this area. You're trespassing."
Another of the sailors had a far larger roll of paper he was currently unscrolling.
"What are we going to call this bit sir?"
"New South Wales."
"That ones already been taken sir. New England's gone as well. Nova Scotia means New Scotland, so that's out. What about New South Scotland?"
The officer rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"Good point. Georgia's already taken. Maryland and Carolina to. This is a bit of a problem Stebbins. We own it now it's got to have a name."
"We could always ask the locals what they call it sir."
"I don't give a shit what they call it. They're British subjects now so they'll bloody well do as they're told.
The three travellers walked past. Andy concentrating on the broken compass, while Caroline and Daisy looked around in amazement. They walked onwards another hundred yards before anyone spoke. It was Caroline who broke the silence.
"Why is it everyone we encounter speaks English? It's always puzzled me. You travel back into the mists of time or across the huge expanse of the universe and absolutely everyone speaks English."
"To be fair, those sailors were British." Daisy responded.
"Yes, but the natives were speaking it as well and they'd only recently discovered their land had been discovered. Then there were those Chinese peasants. The only ones that don't speak English are the plants and animals. And I wouldn't put it past them. Probably whispering about us behind our backs."
On and on they traipsed. Andy in the lead, although usually a few steps behind Caroline and Daisy. He was concentrating on that useless compass, to the exclusion of everything else. After passing through a snow covered wood they entered a more temperate area. Grass as far as the eye could see along with some volcanic vents. Daisy and Caroline decided they'd camp here for the night. They could cook the food they'd gathered without having to build another fire. Whatever Daisy had most recently killed it tasted like chicken. Their second night under the stars was as uneventful as their first. Which led both of the ladies to question Andy. Principally on his assertion this was a very dangerous place.
"What's so dangerous here?" Caroline asked as they packed up their campsite. "We've traveled for miles and miles and not come across anything Daisy couldn't exterminate with extreme prejudice."
Andy assumed a haunted look. His head darting around.
"There's a few things, let's call them clues. Firstly there's the fact most people who come here, never return. Then there's the body parts that keep turning up at the entrance. And finally there's all the things that have attacked me. That's the one that has me convinced."
It was the wonderfully attractive black woman who expressed what Caroline had on her mind.
"Maybe the people who don't return either don't have a broken compass or have decided to stay. Those body parts could be from anyone. We've passed by three battles and several civil disturbances. As for those "things" attacking you, I think that says more about you than it does this place."
"She's got a point there you know Andy. You do seem to attract violence. Have you ever thought it might be something to do with your personality?"
"What do you mean?" He inquired, genuinely interested in anything which would reduce his hospital visits.
"Well if you had one, it would make all the difference in the world."