There were things nobody knew about Ed. A couple of them having something to do with the big house he owned. This was why he'd spent a lot of time wrestling with his conscience, after he and Caroline went to the pub after work. Should he gain her admittance to that nest of vipers? The nest consisting mostly of Ed. His diversely extraordinary acquaintances were bad enough. Tolerable in small doses. Ed on the other hand, was an acquired taste. Something akin to one of those super hot peppers you only had to dip in forty gallons of bean stew to cause an inferno. Andy's feelings about Daisy were mixed. There was the near overwhelming sexual attraction on the one side. Her attitude towards him on the other. Although he had to admit he was the only one the attitude had been directed at. Other than that she was pretty cool for a woman who had those kind of looks.
You couldn't quantify or summarize the man. Two incidents gave you a hint at what you were dealing with. The first happened in the first year Andy was a tenant. Having only seen him lying on the sofa in his robe and slippers, Andy had been surprised to learn Ed had a job. One that at the time had sounded like the purest of bullshit. Hardly believing a word the man told him, Andy had asked a question he shouldn't have.
"Would you kill me Ed?"
He shook his head vehemently.
"No sorry mate. If you want to put yourself out of your misery, you'll have to do it yourself. I can get my hands on anything you need. How were you thinking of ending your pointless yet painful existence anyway. Blowing your brains out? Slitting your wrists? I can get hold of a lovely octopus toxin that makes you feel wonderful for 24 hours before your heart stops. No known cure either so it's 100% foolproof. Drowning's meant to be quite nice as well, after the first minute of terror."
"No. I don't want to commit suicide Ed."
"Are you sure about that Andy? Cos believe me that's your best option as far as I can see."
"No Ed I'm fine for now. Maybe later. This is a purely theoretical situation. In which you need to get rid of me due to circumstances."
"Or someone else hating you as much as you do."
If he tried to correct that, Andy had already discovered, it could take all day. So he let it lie.
"Okay so the question is, would you kill me?"
Ed sat up slightly from his near horizontal position. His smile wasn't comforting in any shape or form. Neither was the way he was looking at Andy. As if he was tempted already. Finally, much to Andy's relief, he shook his head.
"No, if I wanted or needed you dead, I wouldn't do it myself. I'd leave that pleasure to someone else. We're linked you see. I'd have to subcontract to someone else. Get myself a perfect alibi."
The relief hadn't lasted long.
"You'd pay someone to kill me?" Andy blurted.
"Let's just say I'd call in a favor. Book a holiday somewhere, have you whacked while I was visibly at another location. Then I'd return to find your mangled corpse. All broken up and anally raped to death. I'd pretend to be be horrified and heart broken for the benefit of the police. When they asked me who would have a motive to kill you I'd tell them it was far too long a list to be of any use. It could be one of at least thirty or forty people you'd done awful things to."
The young man's eyes were out on stalks.
"Why would you do that?" The horrified lodger whined.
"Well stands to reason Andy. The police aren't going to put as much effort into finding the murderer of an asshole, as they would for anyone decent. Knowing you deserved every atrocity dished out to you, they'd ease up on their enquiries. The investigation would lapse after a few days and they wouldn't assign a lot of manpower to it." Ed pulled an opened bottle of vodka from his pocket, swigging half of it in one swallow. "Then of course I'd also do it because you are an asshole."
"Is that what you really think of me?" Came the horrified bleat.
"It's not just me Andy. It's also that long list of people who have got a grudge against you. The one I'll be giving to the police. It's a unanimous verdict."
That was the first of many conversations with Ed, which Andy had rapidly evacuated. A few months later there was the mysterious incident with Connor. The big, muscular alpha male had rented a room, then proceeded to humiliate and bully Andy. Demanding money with menaces and stealing his belongings were a few of the inconveniences of his tenancy. Having raised these issues on numerous occasions nothing had been done about it. Ed assured Andy it was only temporary. Connor was simply trying to fit in. He was young, dumb and full of steroids. Until the day Connor told Ed he wasn't going to be paying any rent and there was nothing the little old man and the wimp could do about it. Those slippered feet had touched the floor for the first time, as Ed removed his glasses. Then told Andy he was going to have a quiet word with the muscle bound gym rat, and that he should ignore the screaming or better still retire to a safe distance. Being the coward he was Andy had gone for a long walk. Only returning hours later.
On his return Andy discovered Connor had moved out very quickly. Ed was busy counting some cash he'd found in a lost wallet and extracting all the cards. The fitness trainer had been called away he said. His mother having been shot in a sailing accident, Connor left immediately on hearing the awful news. Leaving behind all his belongings, his car and most of his blood and teeth as far as Andy could tell from the state of the upstairs bathroom. This, and the long smears of blood along the landing, were a result of Connor cutting himself shaving. Life had been almost bearable for a short while after. Andy had often looked back on those halcyon days with fondness.
This wasn't a particularly noteworthy incident. Not in this house. The second disturbing incident, among many others, had been shortly after Daisy moved in. She'd asked about the big house he lived in. A single man in a six bedroom three bathroom dwelling was rare in her experience. She wondered why he'd bought it.
"I didn't buy it. It's my old family home. My parents left it to me."
Daisy patted him consolingly.
"Oh I'm sorry Ed. Your parents are dead are they?"
He sat there for quite some time, staring off into space. Andy, who hadn't known this, assuming he was thinking of his parents passing. The melancholy of loss. Then grinned as he spoke.
"I'm not entirely sure. The only way I could find out for certain would be by unbricking the cellar. It's the Schrodinger's cat thing."
It had been quite nice in a way. It was the first time Daisy had looked at Andy and acknowledged his existence. Concern etched all over her face, she murmured in his ear.
"Poor guy. He's obviously in denial. Must have been something really traumatic for him. Best not to delve. It could give him flashbacks."
It gave Andy a few. Some of the things careering through his mind, he couldn't recall happening. Those bloody blackouts.
All, some and none of these things passed through Andy's head as he considered whether or not to tell Caroline about the rooms for rent. Several things helped him make up his mind. She was a girl, she seemed to like him, they had things in common, shared interests and most importantly of all she was a girl. All he had to do was ensure no mention of the underwear misunderstanding took place. Andy thought he might have oversold the accommodations, when Caroline immediately agreed to see her prospective landlord. After finishing their drinks they set off.
Ed opened the door to them. ED OPENED THE DOOR. Nothing like this had happened. Completely unexpected and inexplicable things happened every day, but absolutely nothing like this. He was genial. Wearing clothes instead of pajamas. At first Andy thought they were at the wrong house. Had his landlord expected them? After the introductions, but before they'd wiped their feet, the bespectacled property owner offered to show Caroline her potential room. It was large, twice the size of Andy's. It was modernly furnished, no 1950's iron bedstead here. It had lamps and nice curtains. It had a much lower rent than Andy's room as well. Something to do with the view from the window not being panoramic. Did panoramic views of a dismal, poorly maintained cemetery command premium prices? Apparently so.
She loved it. Particularly the computer desk. If it was okay with Ed she'd move in tomorrow, after she'd terminated the lease with her current landlady.