William Southold | Opinion Columnist |The Southold Report
Whether President Trump was feeling just plain ebullient coming off his recent Total Exoneration Tour, or was pumped from his border visits where he warned of immigrants shooting you and taking over your house, or was feeling an adrenaline rush from hearing the word “spying” from his Attorney General, he was clearly riding high this morning.
Trump, for the third time on this, has reversed course on attending the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner this year, and now he is planning to attend. Long seen as the “hottest ticket in town”, this year, on April 27, it could be a total mob scene, as people claw past each other to witness something few could imagine. He will not only attend, he will be the featured speaker.
I get this from a rather unique source of mine, who called me excited about this new development.
Here is how that call went:
Shinebloom: Writer! Big Man! You wanna hear the mother of all scoops!
(A big smile lit up my face to hear that voice. It was the voice of Morty Shinebloom, legendary vaudevillian and longtime Trump influencer, calling from the Vaudevillian Convalescent Home For Aging Stars, in Mountaindale, NY. The last time I talked to Morty he was about to be named Trump’s Press Secretary. That decision, like so many others of this administration, was rescinded, and Morty continues his stay at the home.)
Me: Morty! Great to hear from you. How are you doing?
Morty: Great, always great! I’m knockin’ ‘em dead up here! They let me go on every night! They wheel ‘em in in chairs, and carry ‘em out on stretchers! Ba-boom! I’m knockin’ ‘em dead I tell ya! I knock ‘em so dead it’s hard to keep the flies off ‘em! Ba-boom!
(Along with being one of Trump’s longtime influencers, Don Rickles credits getting his start as an “insult comedian” to watching Morty do his shtick. Hmmmm, could there be a Shinebloom/Rickles/Trump nexus here? Sounds plausible, in an “insult comic” sort of way.)
Me: That’s good, Morty? So what’s up?
Morty: I’m callin’ you with a scoop, Newsman. You better sit down for this one. You sittin’
Me: I’m at my desk, sitting, yes. So what’ve you got?
Morty: Well, you know that White House dinner your friends put on?
Me: The Correspondents’ Dinner. Yes.
Morty: You know Trump was gonna deep six it for a rally. Well, guess what - he’s goin’!
Me: How do you know this?
Morty: He called me! He was jumpin’ outta his skin excited about it. That’s how I know.
Me: He called you and told you this?
Morty: Yes. That’s what I’m sayin’. Do we got a bad connection here? You goin’ deaf?
Me: I just find it hard to believe.
Morty: Well, then you won’t believe this. He’s not only goin’, he’s gonna be the star! I told him - why just show up? You gonna go, take over the room! Get up there! Told him he was passin’ up a chance to bring his A game, strut his stuff! And get this, I told him to call up that place! Insist on he would come only if he could be the star! And guess what? He told me they said yes!
(I couldn’t say anything for a moment, trying to contemplate Trump as the speaker at the Correspondents’ Dinner.)
Morty: Knock knock. You there, Newsman?
Me: Yes. Sorry.
Morty: Thought I lost ya.
(Now this really hit me. Trump had originally hinted that he would attend for the first time of his presidency, then announced he would be holding a rally, a very positive rally, instead of going to an event that was “so boring and so negative”. If what Morty was telling me was true, it would be a major scoop.)
Me: You heard this from Trump directly. He’s going to speak at the Correspondents Dinner.
Morty: Straight from the horse’s mouth!
Me: And you don’t think he was just blowing off steam. You know, he does that from time to time.
Morty: And I know which end of the horse I’m talkin’ to.
Me: OK Morty, I’m going to check this out.
Morty: You hafta check this out! I’m tellin’ you, that’s what the man told me!
Me: I don’t doubt that, Morty. It’s just in this business, it’s good to double, and even triple source things. It’s what I get paid to do.
Morty: Well, at least they pay you. I bust my bojangles every night, bringin’ it, bringin’ it, and all I ever get for it is an extra dessert. It ain’t like the old days.
Me: But you’re still doing it, that’s the important thing.
Morty: The only thing I had trouble with is Trump wanted to end his speech by moonin’ the crowd. He was very excited about it. I had a hard time talkin’ him out of that.
(I remembered then, Morty Shinebloom was known for “dropping trou” as his signature closer. It always got his biggest laughs.)
Me: You truly are a Trump influencer, Morty. I think you saved us all, on this one.
Morty: I’ll accept that. Trump and me go way back. As a kid, Little Donny used to come down to Time Square and watch me all the time give a warm up for my shows. I would drop trou sometimes I nearly froze my butt off! No sacrifice too great for the business! Of course, I don’t close the same way up here. Can’t moon where you eat.
I offered up a hearty laugh, I thanked him for the scoop, and we said our goodbyes.
I immediately started to call around, and sure enough, two separate White House staffers, while not confirming Morty’s scoop, did not deny it. One actually said in a saddened, almost resigned voice, “Wouldn’t surprise me in the least. Oh, Lord, what’s next?”
So there you have it. Morty’s scoop, my checking, the whole nine yards as I know it at this time. Since this is an opinion piece, let me add that Trump mooning the press, one could argue, is the next Trumplogical step in his battle with the enemy of the people.
So, will Trump show up and speak? I don’t know. And will he follow in the Shinebloom tradition? I don’t know that either, but I have my TIVo set.
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(Image used with permission of artist)