Writing - Revising Noun Clusters

Clear writing needs to be read only once to be understood. It uses simple, straightforward words. In addition, it presents relevant examples – those that relate to readers' experiences.

nother key guideline for writing clearly is revising noun clusters. These are groups of nouns that aren't separated by functional words, such as articles and prepositions.

Some examples of functional words are the articles the, a, and an, and prepositions such as at, by, for, from, under, and with.

The example:

"Systems design implementation program documentation outline,"

for example, is a phrase that contains an unnecessary and rather confusing noun cluster.

The phrase becomes clearer once you revise it to:

"Document outlining the design of the system and its implementation."

The aim of clear writing is not simply to convey your message in as few words as possible. Sentences also become clearer when you add functional words.

Another example of a noun cluster within a sentence is:

"Planning project management considerations are outlined in the document."

Simply reordering the nouns and inserting the functional words "of" and "for" makes the meaning of this text more clear. The revised – and clearer – wording of the sentence is:

"Considerations of project management for planning are outlined in the document."

QUESTION

Which sentence contains a noun cluster that should be revised?

1. One advantage we proffer is comprehensive integration software for our web services.
2. The primary manual for hardware modification, maintenance, and repair has been published.
3. The network access cost optimization draft proposal is ready for review.
4. We'll need to revise budgets.

Although this sentence does not need revision due to a noun cluster, it will require revision of overly pretentious words - namely, "proffer" and "comprehensive." These could be simplified using the words "offer" and "complete."

The message of the manual being published is made clearly, without noun clusters creating confusion.

The message in this sentence can be conveyed more simply by revising the noun cluster "network access cost optimization draft proposal."

This sentence does not contain a noun cluster, but it's vague. It would be better worded as "tomorrow we'll need to revise last year's budgets," to provide the reader with more specific detail.

Consider the noun cluster from the previous question:

"The network access cost optimization draft proposal is ready for review."

Which is the best revision of the noun cluster?

1. The network access cost optimization summary tender is ready for review.
2. The draft proposal for optimizing network access costs is ready for review.
3. The network for access cost optimization draft proposal is ready for review.

The first revision does not break up the noun cluster – it only substitutes the words "draft proposal" for "summary tender."

The second revision breaks up the noun cluster by reordering the nouns and adding the functional word "for." This makes the sentence easier to understand.

Often adding a functional word like "for" can break up a noun cluster and make its meaning more clear. In this example, however, the word has been added in the wrong place – it has altered the meaning of the original sentence.

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