职场霸凌- 老板的心事很难猜 Bully at work- hard to understand and guess boss’s mind

有位朋友，他正面临着进退两难的抉择。

One of my friends is bullied by his big boss and is in the dilemma.

他所在部门的最高领导要求他调到东南亚去上班。在协商的开始，老板说了很多冠冕堂皇的话，而且也给他很多承诺。可是当写在白纸黑字的纸上的时候，一堆的承诺都不见了。

VP of his department approached him a while ago and asked him to consider to relocating to S. E. Asia. At the beginning of the negotiation, the big boss promised him a lot and he kinda agreed to go. But when he received the offer letter, many things have changed.

这种情况下，我的这位朋友当然不乐意接受。他妥协了一些，但还在争取兑现当时的一些重要承诺。可是在他还在纠结和公司人事部门协商的情况下，他的那位大老板居然对全世界宣布他要调去东南亚。搞得这位朋友非常的灰心和失望。 可是做为职场小鱼，他又没得选择。 所以明明知道被摆了一道，也无能为力，不知道怎么处理。心里非常焦急。

My friend, of course, doesn’t accept this offer. He’s trying to negotiate and get them to keep the promise while he already has compromised some benefits. To his surprise, his big boss has announced his move to the whole company while the deal is not sealed. My friend is really disappointed and frustrated by this. But as a minnow in the company, he doesn’t seem to have a lot options. He doesn’t know what he can do now, and is very worried.

其实对这种事我的看法很简单：

If I were him, my thinking process would be like this-

1． 在把家庭因素除外，考虑这个调动对自己的职业生涯是否有帮助。 是否合乎他的长远职业规划？ 我估计在他们的协商中肯定不是所有条件都不满足当时的承诺。有可能大老板当时口头承诺给他的时候并没有了解清楚公司的政策。有时候有些老板就喜欢做英雄，觉得自己的能力超大。那么就看到底差别在哪里？ 然后从差别里找到你认为最重要的几点，合理商量，把自己的原因摆出来。基本上在这种协调中雇员有一次机会。好好利用这次机会。 不要每次时间提出不同的要求。这样就非常不专业了。

Assuming he’s thoroughly considered family opinions and factor, my priority is to decide if this move is good and helpful from long term perspective in career. I guess it must be only a few terms that are in disagreement. Not sure if the big boss really understood company policy when he made the promise. Sometimes, some bosses like to be a hero and think they can control everything. But since it has happened, they need to find out where the gap is, and which ones my friend can actually compromise and which one he can’t. There is one time for employee to negotiate package in this situation, be reasonable and negotiate hard. But after that, be professional. You just can’t bring out different request every time.

2． 钱固然重要。能够争取到更多自然是最好的。但当钱不能再涨的时候，就更应该考虑这个机会能给你的将来带来什么？ 你自己目前的优先是什么？ 有时候在职业发展中，不得不接受一些金钱上的损失，来换取将来更大的发展空间。 因为是平调，我估计在钱方面他们公司应该不会调低他的底薪，甚至由于是调到东南亚更不发达的国家，估计还有一些生活补贴。 所以我大胆猜想不是底薪的问题。

Money is always good. It’s great if he can get more. But if this is not possible, really need to focus on what the opportunity can bring you from long term perspective? What is your priority? Sometimes during development of career path, you have to take a detour and even cut in paycheck, to exchange for bigger long term development. Since the move is parallel move, I guess it should not be about salary. I don’t believe his company will cut his salary, esp. when he’s moving to S. E. Asia, a less developed country, there should be some other type of hardship bonus to retain talent. So I don’t really believe it has anything to do with base salary.

3． 以我对这位朋友的理解应该很可能是一年回乡次数的问题。 他不打算把家人和孩子带过去。所以要保证他有足够和家人相处的时间。 否则家人绝对有问题。 我知道有很多人因为工作原因，一年都难得和家人见几次面。 对于我个人来说，这是绝对不能接受的。 既然成了家，一家人就要尽可能在一起。长年分居，不在一起，对家庭关系不利，而且对孩子也不公平。 如果真的是这个条件卡壳了， 个人觉得尽可能找到中和的方式，相信老板也有家庭，他们应该可以理解的。 但如果不行， 我觉得最终是不应该妥协太多的。

Based on my knowing of this friend, I guess it must be something about home leave. He doesn’t plan to bring his wife and children over. So he has to make sure that he can go home often enough to get together with his family. As otherwise, I don’t think his family would support his relocation. Many people work in different cities/countries from their family. They only get few chances to meet with family every year. Personally I am strongly against it. From long term perspective, it’s harmful to their relationship and it’s also very unfair to their children. So if I am right, I think this is very critical for he and his family, try to lay out the reasons, everybody has their family and would understand, if not, then sorry, this really isn’t the part that you can compromise.

同时我会建议这位朋友可以看看外面的工作机会。 有时候人在一家公司久了，就太安逸了。觉得没了它不行。不敢跨出那一步。其实很多时候，变化是可以带来更好的机会和发展。 看看我们一起认识的很多以前的同事，只要是有能力踏实做事的，都有了更好的发展。

At the meanwhile, I suggested my friend to also explore outside opportunity. Sometimes, when you are in a company for too long, you are in your comfort zone, and dare not to change. But most of the time, change is good, it brings you new opportunities and development. I asked him to think about our old colleagues who were brave to embrace change, all of them are doing a lot better in their new positions and places. Sometimes you just have to make tough decision.

我朋友告诉我说他的大老板前段时间催得非常急，但自从谈判有点崩后到现在好几天都没理他。 我建议他按兵不动。一起拼耐力。公司如果真的需要他去东南亚，一定会要求他办签证什么的，先冷处理，到时候公司提起再谈判。 职场霸凌到处都有。碰到的时候，有时候冷处理不见得是一件坏事。反倒是你回复越快，反而可能让他们更觉得你急，就更得寸进尺了。 做为职场里的小鱼，也是有自己的选择的。

My friend told me that at the beginning, his big boss was very pushy and wanted him to go asap. But since he brought up the variance in package, his boss didn’t come back to him at all. I suggested him to take it easy. If the company really wants him to relocate, they will sponsor his work visa. He can wait till then to bring up again. There are bully at work everywhere. When it happens to you, sometimes, leave it alone may not be a bad strategy. On the contrary, if you respond and act too soon, they may thought that you are really disparate, and may press you more. As a minnow at work, you have your own choice TOO.