My Ups & Downs On My Path To Success. [Part 2]

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The Story Of My Life Continues.

We will pick up where we left off, so this part will be about my education and the entire process of getting there.

I started to study in March this year and school is going great.

I worked as a full time freelancer prior to this education so the transition has been extremely difficult in many ways. As I've worked with literally all types of people due to my freelancing career, I'm also used to adapt and take orders, but I've been my own boss. In School, I have teachers who're telling me what to do, which is a completely different thing. Another major obstacle I'm trying to overcome is the financial aspect. From full time freelancer to full time student. From a salary that I've been able to affect to have a fixed amount of money each month due to a student loan. That's crazy difficult to handle. Especially as the student loan barely covers my living expenses.

However, it wasn't easy to start this education...

As I quickly became interested in mental illness and knew that I wanted to help others, I felt the need of getting an education. I looked at various educations and talked with administrators on "Arbetsförmedlingen" as it's called in Sweden, which basically is an employment agency. After going through several educations and looking into other possibilities, they sent me to another institute. A place that focus entirely on educations.

They exist to assist people. Whenever someone is interested in an education, they go to this place to get more details and to get help with their applications and whatever. So, I obviously went there. After going through more or less the same process as I did at the other place, I decided on a School. The education is health and social care.

I sent my application and had to wait for several weeks. School had already started so I had to wait for the next semester. I can't remember exactly how long I had to wait, but it was probably 5-6 weeks or so. Perhaps more than that.

I was excited and I started to work less as a freelancer. I waited with my application to CSN which is the institute that pays out student loans. My idea was to apply for a loan as soon as my application had been reviewed and approved.

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Rejection Letter Received.

After several weeks of waiting I finally received the letter. They rejected my application. They rejected me. The reason? - I had a construction education so they figured that I'd be able to get a job. They couldn't see a reason for me to go back to school when I could get a job instead. I obviously appealed and waited for several weeks once again.

During this time I talked to CSN about my plans. I told them about the education and I obviously told them that I wanted a student loan throughout the entire period. - Rejection.

So, within a week or two, I got rejected twice. One rejection from the school and the other from the loan institute. I can't even describe what I felt during this time... It's literally impossible. I almost gave up.

For the first time of my life, I had really found something that I truly wanted to do... And they kicked me in the nuts and told me to go f#ck myself.

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CSN didn't even tell me why I got rejected, because they couldn't give me that information over the phone. I had to send them an application to get the answers. Bullshit.

With the promise to my father in my blood, I refused to give up. I did what they asked. I sent them an application, even though I knew it would be rejected... But I had to do it to find out the reason. Several weeks later, I got the answer. This answer came around the same time I got my second rejection letter from the School I applied for.

So, School had rejected me once, and they also rejected my appeal. CSN on the other hand, rejected me due to a previous loan. I was told that I had to pay them more than 20,000 SEK ($2200) before I could be eligible a new student loan, because they can't approve new student loans while you have a current debt.

Even though I can understand that reason, it hurt me tremendously. I didn't have that much money, and I had basically stopped working as a freelancer by that time as I knew that I would study. Another scary thing was the fact that CSN needed the money before I could get a new loan, and they couldn't promise me that I would be eligible a new loan... And how on earth was I supposed to study without an income?

Also, the school had already rejected me twice, so everything felt impossible.

How was I supposed to pay back ~$2200, get them to approve a student loan and get the school to approve my application all at once? - I had nickels and dimes in my pocket and I felt like a train wreck.

Whatever I tried to do, I failed. I was a failure...

I had done everything I could think off... I had talked to everyone and I had appealed. Nothing worked. I can tell you that these things affected me in many ways. My anxiety and my panic attacks got worse and I struggled to keep my shit together as it was. - And now this?

Somehow, I found enough energy to publish some articles on Steemit and cashed out what I earned. I used every single cent I owned, and I mean everything, and I borrowed about $1800 in total from my grandmother and one of my closest friends.

Note:
Some of you might wonder why I didn't borrow money from my mother, but I couldn't. My mom barely survives on her income so I've been supporting her since my father passed away. Just like I told my father that I would.

I took all this money and paid my debt to CSN. Without knowing if I would be eligible a new student loan. Even before I knew if I would be able to study. I found another school and instead of sending my application, I tracked down the schools principal and called her directly.

I explained my entire situation. I told her about CSN, my previous education, the other school and my rejections. Everything. Like EMINEM would've said, I felt that I had one shot, one opportunity. It was my last chance. All the odds were against me. I had one hand to play and I went all-in.

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I had to send an application to the school. They had to review my application like they do with everyone, but she told me one thing that felt positive. She told me that my previous education does not matter. In fact, she was supportive and told me that everyone should be allowed to change their occupation, with or without previous education and regardless of your background. That was the first good news I had heard in a very long time.

I had to wait for about 5 weeks before I heard back from CSN. They had reviewed my application and they approved a new student loan. Another week passed and I finally got the answer from the school.

• I got in! They approved my application!

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A few more weeks passed and I was finally able to go back to the school bench. CSN is supposed to pay out student loans whenever you start the education... But that was not the case.

Long story short, I had to wait for 9 weeks before I got the funds. I couldn't afford to pay my rent and I had no money to eat. Books for school? - Nope.

I had zero money, not enough food and I couldn't pay my other bills either. Borrow more money? - Nope. Kind of difficult to borrow money when you've already borrowed 1800 bucks in total. This became my "normal" day for 9 weeks.

It took me almost one week to get my books when I finally could afford to buy them, so I had 10 weeks of studies to catch up on. I had to pay my rent, twice... And I couldn't afford to pay my internet- or my phone bill.

Now, several months later, I'm still in debt. I have two incomes as I've started to work extra on holidays and evenings. And I have my student loan. This is still barely so I can survive, because I can't work that much due to my studies.

I can't afford to support my mother like I did previously, which obviously affects me in a negative way, and I can't even afford my own asthma medicine. Haven't had it in months actually. Fortunately for me, it's only on a "if necessary"-basis, so I'm okay so far.

With all this being said...

Even though I live in a constant shitstorm, I'm positive. With all the odds against me, I managed to go back to School. School is going good, and for each day that goes, I'm one step closer to my goal!

Final words:
This is not an attempt to compare my story or my current situation with others. I'm well-aware of the fact that others struggles more than me. I share this because it also explains the reasons for my power downs here and there and it explains why I'm cashing out from time to time. However, even with my cashouts and power downs, I'm still able to grow my account... And that is possible due to the amazing support I have.

THANK YOU!

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Feel free to read part 1.