Two months ago, I had the guts to jump off of a bridge.
When I found myself at that point, the end, it ended there. I came to the point of noticing when I get frustrated with my sadness, I needed a different interpretation of it to stay alive, I was where I was in that time because of years of suppression, but sometimes the gray fog would decide to interrupt my day.
When you stop searching for an answer to an answer that is not there, you begin to accept. You begin to realize that sometimes, it is just chemical imbalances and neuro processors. The gray cloud “just is”.
Depression “just is”, and that is fine. You can recognize it being there without letting it consume you.
“Easier said than done”, because enduring the pain allows you to be strong enough to learn from the transitions. Transitions into learning how to tell the gray cloud to fuck off. The pain gets so hard, you want to give up, but it does not have to be your life.
Instead of saying “fuck it” and ending it all, say “fuck it” and do everything you have been scared to do. There are only high chances of gaining knowledge from doing so.
Now, I am facing fears. I ave climbed physical and mental mountains, chased waterfalls, and jumped off of a cliff.
The first step is so simple, allow yourself to feel. No matter the situation, there is nothing better than living. Even if it seems impossible, accept, and all of the things to heal you will come to you in unique ways.
Take the first step in what is best for you, choose life.