What A CUNT! | Comedy Open Mic | Round 16 | Second time is easier|

idikuci (61) in comedyopenmic • 7 years ago (edited)

Referring, of course to women's genitalia (at least that's what google tells me). I will save you a full blown photo but if you'd like to see one for research purposes here then this is the link for you

My spells are not so good, so if you see a lett3r where there shouldn't be one or it is missplaced and you wish to correct me, by all means, please go find yourself a cunt to play with.

Some people would complain about my use of Cunt in a title. Most would see it for what it is, pure click bait to get me more votes from people hoping to see pictures of cunts in all their glorious forms, but alas, I will not be picturing any cunts today I will mere be asking to talk about cunts in a civilized and appropriate setting. Some people would complain it's vulgar to talk about cunts, but when you see a cunt, you gotta call it a cunt, otherwise you're calling a shovel a spade and space docking you refer to as "an initimate moment of friendship"^1,2

So to kick this off appropriately, let's start from the beginning and talk about things without any idea of what's to come.

Figure 1: Origin of Cunts⁴
It seems the most prolific cunts come from the Danishes and the Ikea people. We suspect there were some German cunts along the line too but no one wanted to get close enough to every actually check. And as we will see later, once we solved the German weasels from spreading there was a great uptick in cunts. So I suspect that actually the Germans were standing in the way of every one getting a good cunting³. But that comes later (hold onto your horses and ease up a bit, we're coming to the good cunts dw).

As you can see from the above figure The more direct linage we have to trace where we have great cunts is about the middle / low sections. this approximately falls in line with what we expect when we think about cunts, i.e. that they are in that region.

Figure 2. Time Vs Cunts⁴

As we can see from Fig. 2 since the end of the second world war (plus some time allowed for the shock due the eradication of the German weasels) people have been finding more and more uses for cunts. It's quite impressive really, as we find more and more uses for the cunts, we also use cunts more, since the 50's the growth has been phenomenal. What did people previously talk about prior to using cunts quite so much. Well... For one thing... Banks and stocks.

Figure 3. Time Vs Banks and Stocks⁴

As you can see from Fig. 3. Banks peaked in 1932, stocks in 1935 and have been on a steady decline. But Cunts just keep going up. Don't worry we're winding down now, and we'll wrap it up soon.

Second last thing I'd like to add is a misattributed quote to Bill Murray which I'm sure he never said:

It's difficult to win an argument against a smart cunt, It's damn near impossible to win against a dumb cunt.

So Now go forth, invest in cunts and hold them. look after them and if you're smart about it, they will self replicate and produce more cunts that you can hold. Be a smart investor forget cryptos. Cunts are where the money is to be made.

I know which one i'd rather have.

Figure 3. Time Vs Bitcoin⁴

_{¹Please be sure to check both definitions if you aren't well versed in the practice}
_{²Anyone wanting lessons please see me after class}
_{³Cunting is a sport like hunting but you look cunts to "fuck up"^3a}
_{^3aThis can mean to either fuck someone or beat them off}
_{⁴Image is a screenshot from from the ngram website: https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=20&share=&direct_url=}