Tomorrow we will start a new contest, as the 1 to 1000000, comes to a close. You have one more day to get in your guess, We have someone who is withing 5000 I believe. https://steemit.com/contest/@bigram13/guess-1-too-1-000-000-for-a-up-vote. Our new contest will be BEST SHORT JOKE, but I would prefer no foul language in the post. So I am giving you a day to get your acts together, and develop that good hook. 
Video entries are accepted, or you can type out the joke. But I might not get your sarcasm. So I will leave you with this
So there are two funny jokes here, the first and the last.
"My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down."
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Are we supposed to post jokes as reply? Wasn't sure...here's mine:
How do philandering cannibals get their fiber?
They eat a lot of dates!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Can't wait!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
What is a whale’s favorite James Bond Film?… Licence to Krill
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Girl: How much do you love me?
Boy: If my heart is a cellphone, then you are the SIM card--so it means you are inside my heart. <3
Girl: So sweet! :)
Boy: (Sigh) She doesn't know it's dual SIM.
@bigram13: Wahahahahaha! :p
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
BANG! haha!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Why did the monkey go moo? Because it was a cow.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
you got to save the jokes for the contest will be in a day or two, I lied about the time frame.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
That's ok, I lied about the joke. It wasn't a cow.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I am looking forward to being a part of this contest. This is a very interesting contest to showcase how funny you are.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
@bigram13, i’m new to the community
how do I join the contest?
Kindly Upvote|Resteem|Comment
@nigma
Thanks
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
How do I read this post?
Kindly Flag me and reply sarcastically.
Is commenting really worthwhile
Your Reputation Could be a Tasty Snack with the Wrong Comment!
Steemit Etiquette Rules
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still-no-idea.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Interested contests :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Great work
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Two kids were playing,they found a used condom and took it home as a Ballon. The kids mother got angry and warned them not to pick up things while playing,when the mother went left,one kid said to the OTHER WHY WAS MUM SO ANGRY WE FOUND A BALLON"?THANK GOD WE DIDN'T TELL HER THAT WE DRANK THE YOGHURT THAT WAS INSIDE 😅😅
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
What do you call the assistant to the assistant nut?
The co co nut.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
jokes right okay.
because i am addicted to steem does not make me, any time am here, i will be responding to all post, just to get money out of it.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Man: Do you want a dance? Lady: Yeah, Sure! Man: Great, go and dance let me talk to your pretty friend
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Nice post
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
why are vegan feminists always so angry all the time? because theyre not getting enough meat.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I'm tearing up 😂😂. It CAN'T happen!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
No es lo mismo uno pelota negra,
que una negra en pelotas.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
“No”, she replies sleepily.
“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!”
Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
@bigram13 I'm in for this
I'm a newbie, if you upvote me or resteem my introductory post, it'd go a long way for me>
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Thanks, I don't think Some people realize that it hasn't started today. Haha
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Lol
They don't, and that's why they have been posting their joke around
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
A RUSSIAN SHORT JOKE
"Pinocchio drowned"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
What do you do with a full brain and an empty wallet?
Steem it!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Been thinking of this one since I saw this video day b4 yesterday. Was thinking there'd be another post announcing the start of the contest.
Still can't get over the irishman at the bar!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
My wallet is like onion , i cry when ever i open it..
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
That’s weird, because my onion is like wallet, it’s just a thing I’m pretending exists for the purposes of this joke and it makes people cringe when I open it up and they find out it’s just a repository for maggots and other weird things that I don’t mind carrying around because of the psychosis and depersonalization the guy typing this is experiencing right now.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
What are the tags to use...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Why do mermaids wear sea shells?
Because D-shells are to big and B-shells are too small.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Just dropped my phone in Mayonaisse, F*****g hellman
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
my name is VINCENT with username: @vincent848
i love this contest and probably wd think out something funny to join
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Our civilization is 5,000 years old!
Let's enjoy and there will be even more.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Spanish: 0 Racismo jajajajaja ¿Cuanto dura una negra en sacar la basura? - 9 Meses.
English: 0 Racism hahahahaha How long does a black woman take out the garbage? - 9 months.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my Parents.
Police: Where do your Parents Live?
Me: With Me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: You Won't believe me if i tell you.
Police: TELL ME!
Me: Next to my house.
BANG!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
One day the priest lost his bird pet, because he love his bird so much he mention the bird on his mass
Priest: Did anyone here got a bird?
All the men stood
Priest: I mean, anyone seen a bird?
All the women stood
Priest: I mean anyone seen my bird?
*All the nun stood
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Mother: OMG! My son! Your finger is bleeding! Come here let me suck that blood so that it will stop bleeding!
(....the mom did suck the blood on her son's finger)
Mother: Her you go son! The bleeding has now stopped. By the way, what happens to your finger?
Son: Actually mom I didn't hurt my finger at all.
Mother: What are you talking about? So why there's blood on it!?
Son: It just happens that I killed the big lice from our dog using my finger.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit