See the face you love light up. At your local crematorium. Where, for this week only, we're offering a 2 for the price of 1 deal. Go on treat yourself.

Look at this and you can't help thinking somebody should do something about it. As long as it's not me I'm happy to jump on the criticism band wagon. I'd go so far as to Tweet or Instagram something but no further. I've got a life you know. These things are always someones responsibility but it's not mine. Just get it sorted or I'll type my outrage all over a social media platform of my choice. It'll go well with the pictures of puppies playing in the snow. I like this.

Every day there's a disaster for someone somewhere. So I'd like to take this opportunity to say that they are in my thoughts and prayers. It's the very least I can do. I've checked. There is literally no way on earth I could do any less without doing nothing. So it's definitely the absolute minimum I can do for them the only lesser option being fuck all. The beauty of this is that it costs me nothing except a few seconds talking to myself inside my own head. Which means the victims of another catastrophe have been in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sure the few survivors will feel a lot better knowing that they've been the source of huge amounts of prayer and thoughts inside heads. It will obviously keep them warm inside their own heads as they die of starvation and hypothermia or whatever it is in this specific case. I suppose I could Google what the problem really is but why waste the effort when I only have to read what's trending and give my subjective knee jerk response.

On a personal level it creates the illusion that I actually care and there's a near 100% chance that I will be thanked. If not individually then as a member of the large, lazy, apathetic group that are perpetually extending only their thoughts and prayers as well. It's a way of giving by not giving anything practical or useful. Above all it must cost you nothing financially. All it will cost you is a few words totaling a maximum of 140 characters (Honestly don't make work for yourself by going all the way up to 280, it's not worth the immense effort involved and time is money).

I'd go even further and state the fact that anything requiring over 140 characters to explain is nonsensical. How complicated can anything be? Keep it short, stupid and most importantly binary. Never entertain the thoughts that this situation is multi layered, convoluted and nuanced. Keep in mind that anyone that doesn't agree with you is 100% evil and has forfeited all human rights.

Everyone has the right to an opinion as long as it agrees with yours. Which is based on as little factual information as possible. You should ideally avoid facts like the plague unless you can distort one to prove your point. They will only lead to longer posts, which no one will ever read. Remember if it takes more than 7 seconds to consume it's a novel or a 3 hour long movie they don't want to watch. Stick to the feelings that you feel when anything doesn't adhere to your narrow minded ignorance. Oh and if you're a celebrity don't forget to promote your latest money making project. Pretending you genuinely care is a great way to make more idiots not only follow but also spend their money on you. Money that they could have sent to that great cause you profess to support. This must be avoided at all costs. Solving the worlds problems will lead to there being less problems. This will reduce the number of opportunities you have to publicize and promote your own selfish aims. Minimum effort. Maximum return. Larger bank balance.