Conflicts in a relationship might have increased, turning it into a source of stress for both partners. At this point, the need for support may come to mind. Some indicators that couples therapy could be beneficial include:
- More frequent arguments
- More negative communication (such as criticism and defensiveness)
- Less positive interaction
- Reduced emotional closeness, leading to feelings of distance
- Issues with trust and loyalty
- Sexual difficulties
- Challenges with extended family
- Financial struggles
- Parenting concerns (like decision-making)
- Divorce proceedings
When couples face such challenges and feel unable to resolve issues on their own, consulting a couples therapist can be helpful.
Emotion-Focused Couple Therapy is a type of couples therapy rooted in attachment theory. Its goal is to help individuals better understand their own emotions and those of their partners, improving emotional connections with themselves and each other.
The EFCT approach emphasizes that emotions play a crucial role in shaping how people experience their lives and interact. Our internal feelings influence our actions, and these actions impact our interactions with others.
For example, if one partner (A) is talking and the other (B) looks at their phone, A might feel ignored and respond with anger, saying they are tired of this behavior. B may choose to stay silent and keep looking at their phone. This reaction can escalate A's anger, leading to shouting and eventually distancing themselves.
In this scenario, B might view A as judgmental, while A sees B as indifferent. Over time, these perceptions can worsen and harm the relationship. However, there are often deeper emotions behind these visible reactions. EFCT examines these underlying feelings and behaviors.
Negative cycles in arguments can persist even if the topics change. To break this cycle, partners need to understand their emotions and express their needs clearly.
For instance, if the couple above could manage their reactions better, they might communicate more effectively by saying, “When you look at your phone while I’m speaking, I feel unimportant.
Please pay attention to me during our conversation.” The other partner could respond, “I’m sorry for that. I was just checking quickly for notifications but will be more mindful moving forward.”
By focusing on emotions, the goal is to shift the negative cycle into a positive interaction and enhance the closeness between the couple.