Hello all,
It's been a while since I've posted a track or just talked about my life. The reason being is because these past 3 weeks or so have been quite brutal. I had previously lost a way to get income ( I got it back now) and had tragically lost my mother. My mother isn't exactly what you would call old in today's standards, but the way that she was disintegrating from the earth, showed by her complexion and lack of strength. My mother had diabetes, heart problems, herniated disk and just the discomfort of aging.
I wasn't exactly super close to my mother, but having her presence around was just a heart warming feeling. It's the kind of feeling that fills your home with wholesomeness. This feeling of safeness and vitality, as if the blood in your body is still pumping well, and everything is okay, but in reality, everything wasn't exactly okay, and was gone. My mother has been sick for many years and if I want to be real, the medication she was taking was basically her life support. She still went shopping, went to restaurants. and as well can move and talk pretty lively. In the inside though, the only thing keeping her alive was a bunch of pills, several doctor visits and as she might say, God's grace.
I wanted to remember my mom, and hold her in my thoughts. Though she brought to me a very tough love, she showed me even in the thickest and hardest of people, love still existed. It's just that, not all people know how to show it. I had happened to learn this, because my mother had written to me many years ago, a letter while sending me off on a retreat. It was one I did not want to go on, but it was something I just wanted to do cause it made my parents happy or satisfied their desires for me. Fast forwarding to the end of the retreat, everyone had gotten a letter from their parents and teams that they worked with. I opened up the letter, read it, and tears poured down my face. Never in my life have a seen my mother confess her feelings so openly. How she had loved me even though she was hard on me, how she wanted me to be better person by teaching me discipline in many different forms ( sometimes painful). What struck me the hardest though, at the end of the letter, is when she told me the words " You will always be my baby". And all I ever think about is how she took care of me diligently in the hospital when I was growing up, and she walked through the winter cold nights just to see me while people who had no money got free car Accessorides or transportation. I never really saw it clearly, but my mother loved me so unconditionally. And now that I think about it , I wish I could of spent more time and treated her better. I wish I could of loved her and made her image of me so much more pleasant, but now I live in regret ( which I don't do much of ).
So in what I've learned in life, if your parents or grandparents are still alive and kicking. Spend as much time with them as you can. I know its hard, they can get annoying, call you 21049201 times and say irrational things. One day though, you will realize that consistent nagging or presence will be gone. It may not feel right, it may feel empty, quiet, lonely. But the absence of what was there is daunting, and I wish that on no one if it could be prevented.
I have wrote a song here for my mom, to show how much I miss her. I hope you all like it, share it or comment about it. Thank you everyone for all your support and for taking the time to read my posts. I really appreciate a lot!! My track will be availble officially on music streaming sites May 29th, but you for now you can listen to it on LBRY and My Bandcamp ( Give way to supporting my music! ). ENJOY!
LBRY:
https://lbry.tv/@Beatzzsoi5:d/ARoseWithNoThorns:0
Bandcamp:
https://beatzzsoi5.bandcamp.com/track/a-rose-with-no-thorns
