ANXIETY AND PANIC DISORDERS ARE VERY REAL MENTAL ILLNESSES - WHY I CHOOSE NOT TO TAKE MEDICATIONS TO COMBAT THE PROBLEM

This article is quite lengthy as I will give a brief explanation on the disorders and a personal perspective on why I choose not to use medications to combat them.

   

Everybody has felt anxiety in their life. It is a normal reaction to stresses in our life that seem out of our control. An anxiety disorder is different. There are several different types of anxiety disorders, but they all share similar symptoms like: constant nervousness or fear, uneasiness, problems sleeping, an inability to stay calm or relaxed (like leg shakes or finger tapping), a tingling in hands and feet, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, tense muscles, and dizziness are all common to anxiety sufferers.
   Panic disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. Fear will strike you at random without any apparent stressors and it can be completely disabling. People who have panic disorders and frequent panic attacks will start to become sweaty, their heart rate will increase and become irregular, and they will feel like they can't breathe or they are choking. Often they feel as though they are having a heart attack or dying.
   I am writing this article from a personal perspective. I suffer from severe anxiety and panic disorder. I am literally always 'wired'. It is hard for me to sit still for any length of time. If I go to the movies I have to get up and walk to the back a few times. My body will literally not be still. Ever. I also have panic attacks that are incontrollable. I have been taken from work by ambulance because they get so bad I literally cannot move. I truly believe my heart will explode in those moments. It is the most frightening thing in my life.

   Let me interject right here that I also have Tourette Syndrome. It is a neurological disorder that causes me to have uncontrollable ticks and spasms. When you mention Tourettes to people they generally assume I just randomly shout out curses. That's not true. My ticks are vocal: I grunt and groan in my throat and shout out howls
at random. My spasms affect mainly my face. I scrunch up my face, I blink and squint, and I stick my tongue out. Tourette Syndrome is constant and, since it is a neurological condition, is heightened when I'm having panic attacks to the point where I can not even speak. When a full blown panic attack is happening I cannot even communicate my symptoms or even my name. I just stutter the first sound of what I am trying to relay. It is very frustrating and the frustration is only enhanced when people tell you to just calm down. It is not that simple. My body is sending out numerous false signals and my mind believes I am in very real danger. Telling me to calm down is like telling a fish not to swim. The panic is inherent. It is my reflex mechanisms malfunctioning on a catastrophic level. I know it's not real but that doesn't matter because at those times the symptoms are much stronger than my will, and it only perpetuates when I am told by somebody I just need to relax. Unless you have experienced a major panic attack you have no idea how debilitating they truly are.
   There are medications that can help to curb the symptoms before they take control but I choose not to take them. When you have anxiety disorders it is already hard to focus. You're mind jumps around a lot and concentration has to be deliberate. The medication prescribed for all anxiety disorders are antidepressants. They will help to nullify the physical symptoms that are happening by 'shutting them down' in your mind. They work for the panic but they also cripple your analytical and logistical thinking so instead of being in a panic you're in a fog, and there's no way to bring yourself back from that till the medication runs it's course. That doesn't work for me. I consider myself to be an intelligent, creative person. I don't feel like either of those things are true when I'm medicated. I have found a better way to deal with my afflictions.

   I use what is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or, to be more specific, deliberate focus techniques. I find things that require my undivided attention to help me to get my mind away from the situation. It is not always easy and sometimes it takes a painfully long time but I don't have to slave myself to a narcotic to take back control. My favorite therapy is a yo-yo. It requires my full attention to toss-an-catch it over and over again. I have broken many a yo-yo string in the throes of a panic attack and I usually have 3 or 4 yo-yo's all the time. Another favorite is coloring books. I can focus on the colors and staying in the lines and it works wonders. Not those adult coloring books though. They are far to intricate and detailed. They just add stress. I know, I've tried them. Just give me a kids comic book and let me color a puppy chasing a ball. I may have to color several pictures but, again, drug free and that's for me! I do try to take time out everyday to just have some quiet time but meditation does not work if you are already in a panic. It is hard to concentrate on nothing when your mind is playing hell with your body. The same is true for breathing exercises. I'll do them sometimes when I'm taking a moment for myself but when I'm having an attack I can't breathe already. Trying to focus on that fact makes it more apparent, not less.
   I am not suggesting that you should follow my lead. Some people would rather not have the panic attacks at all and medication is probably the answer for them. I'm only offering an alternative solution to the problem. One that works for me. I still have anxiety and attacks but I can usually bring myself down without too much interference in my life. I would rather have a panic attack every couple of weeks and cope with it without drugs than to be another victim to 'there's a pill for that'.