Learning with a failure identity ... does your child have one?

As early as the first few weeks of grade one children realise what kind of learners they are, whether they understand teacher directions and can do the work or not. Nothing is more self-defeating to the confidence of a child when classmates raise their hands to answer questions and they do not have the foggiest idea what the teacher is saying.

When this kind of situation occurs these children feel at loss wondering why. They were told that they were going to learn to read and write by their mums and dads. School is a happy place. Regrettably, this is not the case for a small percentage of little children. Instead the classroom becomes a bit of a nightmare where each child makes a choice about the kind learner he/she is going to be.

There are three avenues that children go down when they find learning hard. Firstly, some decide very early to keep trying, doing their best not wanting to give in, they are what we call pleasers. Secondly, some develop a sense of self-helplessness believing that they can only do the work when the teacher, teacher aide or parent helper is assisting. Lastly some cover up their inability to learn by misbehaving. These are your 'naughty' children and mostly boys fall into this category. Acting out is a big one because it consumes teacher attention and energy taking a much longer time before these children are identified with a learning disability or difficulty.

Hiding a learning problem is the main objective for children because they want to retain an image in front of friends, the teacher and parents. But in the meantime a failure identity develops big time, inside they do not feel that they are as good as their fellow classmates. Unfortunately, this feeling can and does flow into the playground and we observe these children having difficulties socialising or misbehaving.

Once a child is found to have a learning difficulty support learning can be put into place. But one of the most effective strategies is explaining to teachers and parents what is happening for the child. Being able to talk about the concept of a failure identity is a positive. In one school meeting I happened to be attending I was asked, "What does it look like from the perspective of the child, how is the child learning?"

It was a light bulb moment for the staff and mum in this meeting. Regrettably. a learning difficulty/disability cannot be erased but we can focus on the strengths of the child like sport, drawing, music, dance and so on. Boostiing a child's self-esteem and self-worth is essential. We want the child to feel good inside, to know that they can succeed in another area. In the meantime, helping the child/teenager understand their leaning style. Let them take control.

If your child has a learning problem do not focus on memorising spelling words and timetables. It does not work, you are only reinforcing the failure identity. Try to readjust your picture for the sake of your child. It does not mean that you give up helping your child, just add in some fun things in your child's life. Love and praise are musts.



Blessings and cheers