All parents dream that their children grow up as good and honest people. But more or less they face the problem of children's lies. Upon realizing that their child is lying, parents often fall into despair and begin to look for answers to the questions:
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What happens if the child is lying? And why did the child begin to lie in a normal and completely prosperous family? Where did you learn this and who taught you this? Maybe your friends are so bad? And where to look for the culprit? if, for example, a very young child lies, who, due to his age, cannot walk without his mother? Is it possible to deal with children's lies? If so, how?
Of course, it is unpleasant to realize that something went wrong in your child's education. But first, let's try to determine what a child's lie is.
If your child is still very young, it is unlikely that he has decided to intentionally distort the information to deceive him. Fantasize and create your fantasies. His fantasies are nothing but true fictions.
From the inside, they illuminate their thoughts with a fabulous glow, because their whole life seems like a fairy tale. Honestly, he can tell you that a live tiger cub came to visit him yesterday. Such fantasy is natural for children, because he believes in fairy fairies or Santa Claus.
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If all your child's lie comes down to writing stories, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. This has nothing to do with lies at all. Your son has a very rich imagination, that's all. Maybe he has creative skills, and they need to be encouraged and developed.
Before resorting to a true childhood lie, when a lie is already told intentionally, it happens that the child is lying, without even realizing it. Until age four, children still do not need to lie. It simply is not necessary. He simply does everything he wants, and considers it all right. He still doesn't realize the moral side of the concepts of lies and truth.
After four years, with the development of internal speech, the child has the ability to discover what is worth saying and what is not. And after four years, the child begins to think about questions: why do adults get mad at him today? Could the punishment be avoided? Why was he praised today? What to do to be encouraged again?
When thinking about how to make your life more convenient to avoid "blows," you suddenly realize that there is a good way out: to tell a lie. And then the psychology of childhood lies in the changes. Now the child begins to lie consciously, since a lie now serves as a means by which he facilitates life.
Especially when he constantly listens to his parents' bans. Lying becomes a habit for the child, his protection. And it depends only on adults to cut this habit from root. To know what to do if the child is lying, you must first understand why he does it. What benefits do you get for yourself when you lie? What reason makes him lie?
Does it lie on the defensive or does it attack you like that? Perhaps his lie is a stereotype of behavior, what he constantly sees in the reality that surrounds him?
A child's lie is a signal that he sends to his parents.
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The child will not lie if everything is in order in his life. It is very important to understand what kind of need is behind your lie. Understanding this, you can understand the causes of children's lies.
After all, a child does not lie at all because he does not love his parents or does not respect them. And not because their moral values are weak. There are many different external causes that push a child to lie.
The lies of a child also take many forms. Let's try to understand what a lie is and how it can be explained. To do this, we need a type of diagnosis of children's lies, because only by knowing the diagnosis, you can treat the disease.
- Lying is fantasy, lying is a game.
This is still not a lie. Children just have fun, leaving room for their imagination.
- Lying is a manipulation.
This is a lie that a child resorts to assert. It is difficult to distinguish it from a lie: a game. At first glance it seems that there is no difference. The child also composes fables about himself, attributing extraordinary abilities. But a lie: the game is completely disinterested, like any game. And your goal is the game itself.
- Lies out of fear.
This is the most common type of lie. The child is lying because he fears being punished or humiliated. Shame is one of the most painful experiences, for a child, the cause of a painful experience can even become what seems to be a little in the eyes of adults. In addition, the child may lie for fear of disturbing, disappointing parents, or perhaps for fear of being rejected, deprived of parental love.
- Imitation of adults.
Very often, adults go to bed with children, not realizing that children's eyes are watching them closely. And it also happens that adults themselves ask the child to lie. And if today a child, at your request, tells someone on the phone that he is not at home while he is at home, do not be surprised that he will tell you a lie tomorrow.
- Lies of revenge.
It happens that a child constantly conflicts with his parents. It seems to him that his parents stopped loving him completely, or maybe they didn't love him before. Then take revenge on them for the lack of love through lies.
- Unmotivated lie.
When making a "diagnosis of childhood lies", I must say that this is the most desperate case. The child lies as unconscious and constantly as he breathes. For him, it's just a habit, ordinary everyday life. The child lies constantly, without thinking about the consequences of fraud. Usually, the consequences do not even bother you. Even being repeatedly convicted of a lie, he continues to lie even more.
When a child grows up, it seems to parents that now you can count on their conscience. After all, childhood fantasies and fears are over! But in adolescence, there will be new reasons to lie.
Source for information:
http://blogs.hoy.es/escuela-de-padres/2014/09/28/que-hacer-cuando-nuestros-hijos-mienten/
https://faros.hsjdbcn.org/es/articulo/tres-cosas-debes-hacer-si-descubres-tu-hijo-miente
https://saposyprincesas.elmundo.es/consejos/psicologia-infantil/como-interrogar-hijo-descubrir-miente/
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With all the cartoons and movies that children can easily watch, it's no wonder that lying is not as big as an issue and deemed more imaginative. I used to get a bar of soap in my mouth if lied - which wasn't very often after the first couple times.
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Keep up the great work and join us in The Castle sometime!
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