When we believe that someone or something else poses a threat to our connection, jealousy is a feeling that can occasionally arise in many of our relationships.
When a buddy from our partner's office often requests to spend one-on-one time with them, or when a salesperson in a store is overly flirtatious with them, we may feel awkward and envious. In certain situations, we experience jealousy due to the existing circumstances.
But can one feel envious of something that doesn't exist right now, like a circumstance or event? Is there a term for, say, feeling envious of our partner's time spent with their ex-lover prior to their breakup, or the fact that they were with someone else even though they are currently with us?
Jealousy over our partner's previous romantic relationships, as opposed to the present, is known as retroactive jealousy.
Retroactive jealousy is characterised by a person's constant contemplation of their current partner's previous love and sexual encounters, attempt to picture them, and feel threatened by an unreal circumstance.
This can occur even in cases where our spouse doesn't communicate with their ex, doesn't bring up the past, and we are aware that our partner is over their relationship.
We might occasionally get interested in our partner's previous relationships and partners. Nevertheless, conventional jealousy and this form of interest are usually fleeting emotions.
Retroactive jealousy, on the other hand, can be harmful to the individual, their partner, and the relationship overall since it turns the partner's previous love and sexual connections into an obsession.
Retrospective jealousy can be harmful to our relationship's health as well as our own mental wellbeing. Reminiscing on our partner's past can keep us from living in the moment and savouring our time together.
A common reflection of our own fears and insecurities is retroactive jealousy. clinging to this thought, evaluating ourselves less than our ex, and comparing ourselves to them only serve to exacerbate our own fears and inadequacies.
It gives our partner the impression that we lack faith in them. Mutual tension, conflict, and alienation follow from this.
Before blaming our spouse for not trusting us or being upset, it's helpful to keep in mind that they are the ones who are experiencing retroactive jealousy. Nothing we have done in the past or present is relevant to this scenario.
Because of this, it is more beneficial to talk quietly and honestly so that we can understand one other rather than condemning ourselves for our prior experiences and our partner for not trusting us.