In the initial part of this series, I explored the idea that we are conditioned to accept a single reality. Society tells us there is one correct way to view the world. However, the truth is much more complex. There are 8.2 billion individual realities, each shaped by personal experiences and perceptions.
Each person lives in a unique version of reality, and it unfolds simultaneously on this planet. This multiplicity of perspectives could be less problematic if we were more open to the idea that our view is just one among many.
Instead, we often cling to our own version and assume it reflects the absolute truth, thereby creating conflict.
The desire to be right often stems from a deeper human need: the desire to be heard, respected, and validated. When people argue to prove their point, they seek acknowledgment of their feelings and experiences.
If they can establish their version of reality as the undeniable truth, they feel justified and understood. It is a way for them to assert their importance in a conversation or relationship.
Ironically, we sometimes find ourselves embroiled in disputes over trivial matters. For instance, I recently observed a grown man engage in a heated debate with his young son about the flavor of Captain Crunch cereal.
He insisted adamantly that it had strawberries, rather than blueberries, despite the issue being insignificant in the broader scheme of things. This situation illustrates how we can become entangled in the need to prove ourselves right, even over trivial topics.
Pulling ourselves out of these "fight-to-be-right" moments can be challenging. This is true even when we are aware that the argument is absurd.
So how can one disengage from the urge to argue? What approaches can help when caught in the heat of battle, regardless of who is right?
The first step is to pause and take a deep breath. Recognize that you are stuck in a cycle of right and wrong. Accept the struggle of needing to justify your stance. Consider the anxiety and discomfort you feel in this moment.
This awareness is crucial. Understanding that you are caught in this mental loop is the initial move toward breaking free.
Next, reflect on what it means to prove you are right. If you succeed in convincing others that Captain Crunch originally had strawberries, how will that affect you? What feelings arise from this potential victory? Do you seek validation?
Are you trying to avoid feelings of inadequacy or disrespect? Digging deeper can reveal underlying issues. Ask yourself what experiences are being triggered and what these moments say about you.
Focus on understanding why this argument feels so vital. Take a moment to look beyond the surface topic and approach the situation with curiosity instead of judgment.
Finally, engage in self-compassion. Place a hand on your heart, take a soothing breath, and acknowledge any pain or fear tied to this argument.
Recognize that there may be a core issue at stake that relates to past experiences, making this conflict feel even more critical. Embracing compassion toward yourself can help ease the turmoil and allow room for growth beyond the need to be right.