Learning the art of conversation skills

"When I first started working, I used to get nervous about the idea of being in the lift alone with my boss, going to a business 5 to 7, or meeting people I knew fairly well," admits Jeanne, a 35-year-old executive. In this case, Jeanne is by no means alone.

It's crucial to remember that not everyone who beams and seems at ease in meetings picked up this ability on their own. It takes a lot of effort to become a smooth talker; some people are born that way.

Sacrée politesse! author and high priestess of the art of good manners Louise Masson says, "The ability to express oneself in society is something that can be learnt."

It's a misconception to believe that we are the only ones who struggle with shyness or lack of confidence around new people. Others have just mastered the skill of striking up and maintaining a discussion about this and that—a practice known as small talk.

Thankfully, Jeanne says, anyone can learn this art "by agreeing to practise," even the most bashful person. I am a living example of it.

According to American Debra Fine, author of The Great Art of Small Talk, mastering a few strategies can ease our anxieties and enable us to approach strangers with confidence, initiate productive conversations, reignite a stale topic, and generally feel more at ease in social situations. Two key phrases for doing this are: take chances and show interest in other people.

People nowadays anticipate you making an introduction. Thus, jumping in is the best course of action. "We put on our warmest smile, look the other person in the eye, extend our hand, and say, 'Hello, my name is Louise and I work for such and such a company (or I am a friend of our host)," says Louise Masson.

Follow the same procedure if it's a crowded party: approach the first individual who appears approachable or receptive to you. "If you're really shy, you can find a group of people that seem to be enjoying themselves and sneak in to serve them wine or canapés," advises Masson. People will find you as the waiter departs. People often question the stranger in such situations, at least out loud.

Now is the moment to make an introduction: "This wine tastes great, doesn't it? Our host knows his art. I'm Louise, and I'm Simon's friend."

We also don't ignore our body language: "Most importantly, maintain eye contact. We automatically grin back when someone smiles at us and looks at us," Jeanne says. Ms. Masson also urges us to carefully clean the right hand before extending it if embarrassment causes us to perspire.

Our anxiety is frequently rooted in fear. We thus remember that the other visitors are not hostile towards us. According to psychologist Nathalie Parent, "shy people sometimes tend to perceive others as a group that excludes them." Everybody can recall a relatively conscious childhood experience in which they were either excluded or witnessed others being excluded.

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