The day had worn me down emotionally and I was on the brink of doing something potentially catastrophic.
I consider myself lucky to be able to do what I usually do in such circumstances. I pulled on my shorts and trainers and went out for a run. One kilometer in I came to a level crossing which activated just as I approached. Raced to the line, the red lights came on just as I began to cross, the barrier started to lower by I reached the other side.
A couple of hundred metres beyond this, an old gentlemen with a small dog barked a pejorative disapproval at my transgression as I passed him. I decided to not react immediately and kept on running, not breaking my stride. Half a kilometer further on it started to sting.
"That sanctimonious cunt." I thought. "I should make him eat his own dog for that. What God-given moral authority does he think he has?"... "I'm gonna turn around now and kick his teeth in."
Checked my heart rate. It's off the scale. Checked where my head's at... "That's not me... What the fuck is this?"
Did not turn around. Kept on going. Picked up pace to match heart rate.
Sixteen hundred metre sprint, (didn't make sub four minutes sadly), lungs bursting, it hit me...
I knew to my private self that I was acting like a dick, what stung was that I had suddenly became aware someone else knew too. That guy had mustered the courage to care about what I did and to let me know that I was acting foolishly.
He potentially put himself in harm's way to call me out on my acting like a dick. He had done me a favour; not in the kindest way, but a solid favour. Checked my head again: Now I want to thank him for giving a toss and let him know that I have learned more about myself in the past seven minutes than in the previous seven months.
The stinging sensation is now subsiding as my subconscious mind is being assured that the perceived attack was not a real one and that it will be rewarded by a more incisive wisdom about itself and others.
The difficult part for me to resolve is that I will most likely not be able to personally convey my sincere thanks to the voiciferous dog-walker since I doubt I'd recognise him, I therefore content myself simply with making this public confessional for good or ill.