Perfectionism makes the world a better place, but it also makes people sick. Perfectionism says that people are bad and can't be loved.
It offers him a lot of love if he can fix his flaws. Sometimes the perfectionist really does believe he is the most important person in the world, but this love is only in his head.
Since this love is only in their minds, the perfectionist is always at odds with themselves. No matter how much he wants to be great, his limits hurt him a lot.
They say that clients who are perfectionists often worry about their flaws, take it out on others, and remember things from childhood. These words show that the child feels powerless and guilty as a child.
Every action is closely looked at, and every mistake is made worse here. As a child, you often asked yourself, "Was I nice enough?" Was I smart? Uses questions to evaluate. The thing he wants to do is follow the rules of society.
Because kids need to be loved all the time, they don't like taking responsibility for their mistakes. It is hard to accept and fix a mistake when you feel guilty.
How kids think about what will happen if they make a mistake or do something wrong can be very bad.
If a child needs to be unlovable in order to behave badly, he may think he will be left alone. This might make it hard for the kid to admit when they're wrong.
People who are relative perfectionists believe that perfection is just changing to the world (like learning a new skill), while people who are absolute perfectionists believe that they must always be perfect. It's very bad to be misfit, so they have to fit right everywhere.
There is also a good reason to want to be perfect, but that can make you reject flaws and mistakes. "If you think I'm bad, how can you love me?" A way of thinking that shows the need for love and respect.
Perfectionists try very hard to be good. When someone tries to look perfect, they have to fight their bad side.
Nancy McWilliams, an analyst, says that people who are very concerned with being honest and responsible also want to enjoy themselves and have fun more.
People who are perfectionists fight the urge to control themselves. Not giving in to these wants can cause narcissism.
"Watch out, fighting a monster for a long time will turn you into one." If you look into a darkness for too long, it will look back at you. —Fritzsche
He thinks that people don't take responsibility because they think someone else is to blame. But accountability means asking yourself, "How can I make sure this doesn't happen again?" and the charge is "You deserve it."
The way animals link certain behaviours to pain is similar to how perfectionists link task with punishment. Like being afraid they'll hurt me or leave me if I do something bad.
So, therapy helps people understand that their mistakes won't ruin their lives and lets them learn by looking at how the choices they made led to different outcomes.
The perfectionist may have grown up with people who shamed, blamed, and denied them. The therapist can help them change these thought habits.
Perfectionists can get back to being independent after therapy helps them accept their flaws and make their own decisions.