Lack of explanation is the reason for many family disagreements. It is tempting to simply crush a reluctant adolescent with parental authority instead of discussing causation. But patience is important. First, pressure only provides a temporary solution. Now the teenager will do what you want, but the distance between you will increase. In the long term, such a method will cause rebellion or withdrawal "into oneself".
Secondly, trusting others at their word is rather a bad habit. By explaining why you should do it this way and not the other way, you teach your teenager to rely on arguments, and not on the authority of the speaker. This will come in handy in a world where everyone loves to give advice on any occasion. A teenager must understand that adults can also make mistakes, so you must first of all follow logic and facts.
At some point, the child ceases to be an extension of you and becomes a separate person. Formally, he still depends on you for everything. But the internal separation has already taken place. You may find yourself looking at the world in very different ways. Therefore, take it as a fact: this is another person who has the right to think differently.
All you can do is explain your vision. But whether it will respond to a teenager is up to him. If you are convinced that your son or daughter is doing the wrong thing and ruining your life, try to find a compromise. Usually, there is a whole field between the children's “I will not go to university” and the parent “We have all doctors of sciences in our family” that you can explore together and find common ground there.
It's hard to get through the period when your friendly elementary school student suddenly turns into a sullen and reserved person who snaps at everything. To help parents find a common language with teenagers, Heineken, together with psychologists, launched a special project. This is a chatbot that translates "grown-up" words that annoy teenagers into a language they understand. You can simulate a conversation on a complex topic, such as drinking alcohol, and see which phrases and tones actually work and which ones only undermine your relationship.
Hmm, let's try!
If you try to be the perfect parent all the time, for teens you move into the "nerdy adult" category. And it's not interesting to listen to such people. Surely you yourself are annoyed by people who are always in a white coat and do everything right. Be human with your mistakes and weaknesses. This will give your teen a chance to empathize with you and learn to empathize.
This is not about shifting responsibility onto young shoulders or giving young people the details of conflicts between parents. However, you can tell your teen that at work you have a fight with a coworker and feel guilty. Or mention that you still feel bad from the memories of how classmates bullied you at school. Being sincere tends to create a desire to share in return, so there is a good chance that your sincerity will help your teen open up.
To gain attention and respect, you must first give it. For example, learning to listen to the teenager and not interrupt. Don't raise your voice. Knock before entering the room and ask permission to take his things. Yes, the very things that you bought him. Thanks for the help, even when you think that he was obliged to provide it. Your own behavior will help you build the right relationship model much better than a sea of rules and regulations.
It is necessary to respect, among other things, the adolescent's right to secrets and personal space. For example, pocket money, which he manages himself, or a password on the phone. It is only necessary to insist on complete transparency when it comes to safety and health. But when possible, let your teen feel free, without having to account for every step and word.
Communication will be too edifying if you only say what to do. Even adults lose focus and concentration when listening to mentoring speeches - for example, from a boss. To ensure that your words don't fall on deaf ears, intersperse rules and instructions with requests for advice. For example, what to wear to a corporate party, what movie to watch, what color to paint the walls in the bathroom.
Despite the fact that you still fully support the life of a teenager, he already feels like an adult. But this can be used for good: let him take responsibility, solve everyday issues, or learn to make the right choice. By reinforcing the idea that he is no longer a child, you will give your teen new incentives and make communication less one-way.
Adolescents have an early interest in the forbidden and the "adult". For example, the desire to taste alcohol. Don't assume that if you don't talk about anything, your teenager will never know about drinking. On the contrary, it is better to start a dialogue on this topic before he drinks to the company for the first time. Explain that alcohol is part of adult life, but even they need to be responsible when drinking alcohol.
The main thing is not to overdo it with punishment if the teenager has done something or came home drunk. Concentrate on solving the problem. Of course, this kind of antics is a reason for serious conversation. But if you go too far, there is a risk that at the next incident, the teenager will hide or hush up the problem so as not to run into your anger.
This post has received a 25.77 % upvote from @boomerang.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit