Do you worry about how others will view you if you pursue your own goals? Please let's discuss whether your selfishness issues are valid.
Valuing ourselves means prioritising our well-being by meeting our own needs, accepting our humanity with all its flaws, and enjoying our uniqueness without conforming to others' expectations.
Remember that unresolved emotions can still affect our behaviours and deviate from our intentions. However, we must approach these events with empathy and compassion to go forward without guilt.
Self-focus can lead us to want something else's to satisfy our needs.
Start by examining scenarios when one must decide if their acts are self-loving or self-centered:
You have some money and are thinking how to spend it, taking into account numerous circumstances and priorities. It's self-care to prioritise your own needs without violating others' rights or property. A person with expectations may be seen as self-centered.
You have a day off and are exploring alternatives to visiting your mother, who may be bored. It's self-care to prioritise your time for your own well-being. If she complains because you can't attend, her demands may be first.
Let's look at other "doing." examples.
Your family admires your hairdressing skills, for example. They may want your services because they want your expertise without paying. Politely declining shows respect for one's boundaries, not selfishness.
My spouse and I are considering a week-long trip without our children, regardless of age. Your decision to leave the kids with a sitter may not be selfish if they want to come. Again, remember that your time and presence are not required to others. Consider the relevance of satisfying relationship harmony demands.
I have two more "being" examples:
You may be tired, so your sister invites you to a family dinner. Consider resting and prioritising your health instead of going out. You may worry about appearing self-centered by declining because you would be the only family member not attending.
Again, not attending does not entail selfishness; it simply means not meeting their expectations without harming your family.
As shown, self-love involves recognising and meeting one's needs. It is vital to remember that preventing selfishness may not be motivated by self-love.
When fear controls our actions, we may feel angry at ourselves. Unfortunately, these feelings may be focused at others, creating a spectrum of emotions.
While prioritising self-care may be difficult and you may face criticism for being self-centered, acting from love rather than fear will have many benefits.
Additionally, individuals nearby may be surprised, shocked, or disappointed. However, as you prioritise your own needs and avoid complying to others' expectations, others may gradually accept your decisions. One indicator of our acceptance is this. Your family will also appreciate your self-care. You can impact them positively.