Fights and conflicts will always arise in relationships; they cannot be ignored. It is therefore impractical to anticipate a partnership free of conflicts.
In actuality, when there is disagreement, we should view the connection from the perspective of a third party. "What does the relationship need when I want to fight and vent during that conflict?" Seeing the connection from a third person's perspective entails paying attention to precisely this.
Keeping the "overflows" under control during the talk is one of the most crucial things we need to accomplish for this.
You are experiencing overflow if, during the dispute, your heart rate begins to increase above 100 and you feel that the stress is too much for you to handle.
This signals that the fight, flight, or freeze response has been triggered since the area of the brain that is normally in charge of reasoning and logical thought is now deactivated.
This indicates that at that moment, you are unable to hear or comprehend one another. You won't obtain any results even if you debate for hours on end since your nervous system is so active.
Your companion has to return to "social connectedness" in order to hear you. You ought to assist your companion in getting out of such a predicament.
You must follow a few hints from your spouse in order to do this:
If you are unable to look each other in the eye,
If you're having trouble breathing and your heart is racing,
If your neck and jaw muscles are tense,
If the lips appear thin and closely spaced,
If your body language conveys that you are distracted—that example, if you are fiddling with your hair or fixated on an object, like a pen—then
If you frequently say to each other things that you don't mean,
Should you sense an excessive amount of defensiveness,
If speaking is tough for you,
You have to biologically or mentally relax first.
Your partner only needs to be heard during these kinds of moments. Simply state, "I see that you are very angry about this."
Since many people have parallel processes for comprehending and administering justice, many find it difficult to say this. You are free to disagree with your spouse, nevertheless, in order to say this.
In addition, if you see a "overflow," you can identify a phrase that describes the relationship between you and your spouse, such "Let's Stop."
You can decide to speak again after taking a gap of at least twenty minutes.
You may be able to control this overflow by making some repairs at this point, such as saying, "I need your support right now." "Remain with me; don't isolate yourself," "Please help me to calm down," "Let's take a moment," etc.