We will talk about some of the main reasons men feel fear and shame in this piece. We will also look at how these feelings keep men from being more open, caring, loving, and vulnerable.
Power over emotions, setting priorities at work, standing, and violence.
These traits show up in guys when they feel like they have to fit in with gender norms and social expectations.
James R. Mahalik's study from Boston College looks at the rules that apply to different gender roles and sheds light on things that happen to all of us in our lives.
The study says that women mostly deal with the pressure that they should always look nice, thin, and modest, and that they should use all the tools they have to do this. That's pretty annoying, right?
Let's think about the guys we know. Do you think any of them thought they had to be strong-willed even though they were scared, hurt, and worried?
Even if their family breaks up, guys, even kids, should always be tough and strong to keep their families from more pain and trouble, right?
As the family leader, they are always supposed to know everything, fix things, and run things. Does any of this sound like you? A lot of people still think that guys should never show weakness or doubt.
Because being open and honest is still seen as a sign of weakness, we can't expect men to pick logic over pride, originality over fame, doubt over control, and honesty over position.
These traits show up in guys when they feel like they have to fit in with societal gender norms and expectations.
What about women? Men are men.
Brene Brown did a study that found that many guys say their partners or families expect them to be more open and emotionally vulnerable.
Men don't feel good about letting their guard down when they have to meet this standard.
In many talks, he says, "I act like I'm weak, but I always keep myself in check." "I let my girlfriend think I'm emotionally open, but I'm afraid she'll judge me if I tell her I'm scared and out of control,"
This kind of sentence stands out. Brown talked to a lot of guys for the study, and many of them said they had never been under this much pressure from their bosses, friends, or even coworkers.
Women are always the answer when these people are asked where they feel the most pressure to be strong, fit, financially safe, and wealthy.
From the comments made by many guys, it looks like the examples all show the same behaviour. To be honest, men's problems aren't taken into account when women's problems and abuses are.
In her book Daring Greatly, Brown says it is wrong and short-sighted to compare someone else's shame and fears to your own.