Guilt is feeling bad for doing something wrong. To feel guilty is to self-blame. Always feel guilty in front of others' judgement.
Being shameful is against dignity and honour. We may be ashamed of our thoughts, actions, words, feelings, and beliefs. Self-shame occurs. It conveys the concern that our actions or qualities will damage our personality.
Over the years, I've discovered that most humiliated people feel guilty. We can feel guilty without shame.
Checking if we hide our behaviour or attitude or want to hide can help distinguish shame from guilt. The phrase “Wanting to hide under the carpet” captures embarrassment.
Consider a woman who wants to lose weight and believes she's obese. She diets often but never stays. When she overeats or drinks, she blames herself for weakness and says she overindulged again. She believes eating to excess is immoral and thinks others do too. She admits her guilt because she can do it and talk about it.
While on a diet, she snatches dessert from her husband's plate, saying she's cheating but won't do it again. You will agree that we feel guilty when we say we cheat. In contrast, if she ate in private and did everything to hide her excesses, she would feel humiliated and blame herself.
Shame is worse than guilt because it creates denial. So shameful people are less aware. We rarely notice when we feel guilty, so image how aware we are of our shame.
We can be ashamed of someone's appearance, unusual behaviour, drug use, or prison sentence. We can feel ashamed of our debt, weight gain, and lack of credentials. A man told me he pretended to work for over three months after losing his job at a huge corporation after a merger. He could not tell his wife, children, and other loved ones. He lied during his severance. Imagine this man's distress.
You, how ashamed are you? Make a note of what you hide from others—your ideas, desires, feelings, and behaviours.
Here are shame management tips.
As pride is the reverse of shame, mention everything you're proud of about yourself. Compliment yourself to boost self-esteem and love. Little by little, you'll realise your uniqueness.
Take a big breath and risk telling a few friends when you realise you're ashamed. Since you won't become sick or die, the danger is low. Your confidants may also appreciate your honesty and respect you for discussing this issue. They will likely recognise that opening yourself took courage.
All the guilt and shame you feel is created by your ego, which believes in good and bad. Allowing your ego to decide prevents you from being in your heart and realising your true wants.