Imagine a better existence if we all remembered few things! How much easy happiness will be! Unfortunately, the opposite occurs. We learned from our family and religion to put others first or be selfish and callous. We've learnt to ignore our genuine wants. We only listen to them when they meet others' wants and share their beliefs.
We also believe that pleasing loved ones makes them love us more. No one taught us the difference between pleasing and loving. The two ideas are distinct. Loving someone without pleasing them is possible.
Let's say the wife wants to go to the movies every week and the husband wants to watch TV in his favourite armchair at home. Madame thinks Monsieur loves her when he takes her to the movies, and Monsieur thinks she loves him when she sees a movie with him.
True love allows each partner to enjoy themselves if the other does not. Genuine love occurs when one partner does what they don't want to do to please the other.
True love involves accepting others' differences without changing them. It's also tolerating other opinions and not neglecting our needs to satisfy others.
When someone chooses to satisfy someone, they must do so for joy. Remember the law of return: if we want others to delight us, we must act similarly as often as feasible.
The brief story at the beginning shows that we cannot please everyone. We find it hardest to accept others' choices, especially those of our loved ones. We think they should constantly do what we like since they love us and know what makes us happy. Completely unrealistic expectations result from this belief.
A youngster can choose to use drugs and yet love their parents; he just has to learn from it.
Someone can be annoyed with a coworker without stating they dislike them since they don't know how to express it.
A man may desire to go out with buddies one night a week without loving his partner.
A woman may require a few days alone. She still loves her partner and children—she just meets his demands.
A couple can vacation without their kids without not loving them.
If a person feels responsible for others' pleasure, they'll have trouble listening to their needs, especially if they think their loved ones won't agree. Then cultivate this attitude:
Make sure it's what you want by pretending it won't annoy anyone before deciding.
If you believe it'll bother someone, ask them. We typically presume this without checking.
Listen to your need to see whether you're taking something from the other person if they claim it upsets them. In the above pair, would Mrs. be taking something from Mr. if he informed her that he didn't mind whether she went to the movies alone or with a friend? She just won't give him what he wants. He does not own his partner.
Remember that being selfish involves taking something from someone else for your personal gain. Selfishness does not mean not giving what others want.
Learn to articulate your desires, including how you feel, and how they will make you happy.