Stress, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and emotional reliance are becoming more common, especially in young adults. Crossing professional, social, and emotional boundaries, Christian Richomme discusses why we struggle to define ourselves and feel unfulfilled.
In the first session, experienced patients bring me the personality test in four colours: red for dominant, yellow for influential, green for go-getter, and blue for conscientious. This test is useful for identifying professional managerial characteristics, but that's not the question.
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We have four sides and this is not schizophrenia. We have four sides that must be harmonised and developed to make our life stable, suitable, and comfortable. People generally focus on one, two, or three aspects when talking to patients. However, the fourth aspect is absent and felt at any age.
The first component is professional development: the individual has goals, skills, knowledge, and a professional environment. It involves job, career, finances, projects, and professional interactions that help the individual grow in this field.
The second factor is social: the person has family, possibly siblings. Friends and acquaintances help him nurture, enrich, soothe, and enjoy himself. Friendly or romantic connections without sexuality.
Our love relationship, sentiments with a partner, sexual intimacy, and bodily and emotional sharing are the third aspect.
The fourth element is ego—our needs, expectations, and desires. It nourishes us and makes us feel like ourselves in our accomplishments, interests, leisure, and inner calm.
My patients struggle to identify their fourth facets when I ask. Around 12-14, biological majority is reached and reproduction and gender are gained. The right to vote and drive at 18 constitutes civic majority.
Around 26 is the psychological majority. We discover ourselves before this age, then govern ourselves. Thus, during development, the first three features dominate the fourth.
Overinvestment in job, addiction to sport, social or romantic reliance, etc. are often overlooked and delayed. Many young individuals struggle with this problem, exacerbated by social network dependence.
Recently, many young patients have seen me for worry, stress, dissatisfaction, or dependence on friends or partners. This generation of patients, born after 1999, is the first to have used a smartphone and social media since middle school.
The definition of “I” did not occur then. Permanent identification with others is an acceleration of self-idealization, nourishing the ideal “I” but not the real “I”.
Gradually, somatization or acute anxiety attacks emerge. They are insecure and unable to be alone.
Therefore, these four facets—or at least three for those who haven't met the proper partner—must be balanced, nourished, and developed. You must next focus on self-discovery, establish your expectations, desires, and needs, and most importantly, appreciate yourself as you are and set goals.