It's awful to feel guilty, and it can last for a long time after the reason for it is forgotten. This is why there are so many books and pieces on how to deal with guilt and why psychology is interested in it.
Guilt is unconscious and has been a part of us since we were kids. It shapes what we think and do every day. There are always bad parts of this mood, even when there are good parts.
John Grohol, a researcher, says:
Most people learn to feel guilty as an emotional danger sign when they are growing up and making friends. It tells us what we did wrong, helps us understand how we act, and reveals how that behaviour affects other people. It makes us think about how we act so we don't make the same mistakes again.
Grohol also said that some guilt is good, but it can be caused by things that aren't right. It hurts our happiness and self-esteem instead of helping us figure out how we behave.
You're not the only one who can't let go of guilt, even if it's not true. Most of us feel bad or guilty about things that happened in the past. Here are some ways to get over your shame and move on:
Grohol tells us that we shouldn't worry about our shame until we face it. If the guilt is real and it's easy to say sorry, like when you say sorry for a careless or mean word or missing a birthday, skip the self-punishment part and just say sorry to move on.
Grover said that everyone makes mistakes and that no one is perfect.
"Don't blame yourself or feel bad about yourself for days, weeks, or months because you thought you knew better, acted differently, or were great. Not me or you. Gorhol responded, "Life is."
Let it go and don't be too hard on yourself after you've made amends.
Edward Hallowell, who wrote "Dare to Forgive: The Power of Let It Go and Move On," said that talking to a friend about your grief or the event that made you feel it can be very helpful. "Secrets make guilt worse," Hallowell said. "Once you see something that worries you and you find out that your friend isn't as shocked as you thought, the guilt starts to escape and you feel better."
If you feel guilty or ashamed, write about it in a book. Write down all of your true thoughts and feelings. Then, ask yourself, "Should I keep them? "Can changing these thoughts or feelings make a difference in my life?"
For self-preservation, Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. wrote in Psychology Today about shame that isn't necessary. You might have missed your friend's party because you were too busy this week or because it would have cost too much to fly with all 30 of your family members.
It's okay for everyone to look out for themselves, even if it means saying no or letting other people down. Believe in what you're doing and don't let other people make you feel bad about something else.