We are more familiar with assertiveness, which is the acknowledgment and defence of one's own rights while respecting others'.
It seems simple, but many individuals have trouble expressing their rights: self-effacing people tend to think of others first, often out of fear of rejection, what others will say, or because they have low self-esteem and feel inadequate. On the other hand, aggressive people assert their rights without considering others.
Today, we'll discuss inhibition and how to overcome it.
Make your own vital rights list. People that downplay themselves have low self-esteem. They disregard their rights because they believe others are superior. You must first know your rights to escape this circumstance. You know the Declaration of Human Rights; write your own.
If you don't have many ideas, try applying what you'd say about someone you like to yourself. After this (the longer the list, the better), read it daily, remember your rights, and apply them.
I want, need, feel. Request without appearing to demand. Fearing conflict and appearing to impose, shy people always do what others want and don't voice what they think. First, talks are not always bad. We must establish agreements with people, which requires discussing (which does not entail fighting or disrespecting).
Start sentences with I want, need, feel, adore... This puts others in your shoes and lets you share your perspective. For instance, “Today, I would like to choose the film at the cinema, because I really want to see it and I have been waiting for its release for a long time”.
Say no. Self-effacing persons struggle to decline. They follow others' orders and don't appreciate this effort because they don't realise it. First, read your rights list—we can refuse anything we don't like. The sandwich method can also be used to refuse.
Consider a party where everyone is drinking alcohol but you don't want any despite your friends' offers. Avoid "I'm taking antibiotics" or "I'm driving afterwards" by saying "I'm having a great time like this, I don't want to drink alcohol; I've had enough with a soda, but thanks for offering it to me."
Remove your mask and accept rejection. You can't please all. We cannot love everything and everyone, and doing so would harm our mental health because we would put others above ourselves. People say this makes us selfish.
When you board the plane, a screen tells you what to do in case of cabin depressurization: oxygen masks come out, and the screens portray an adult and a child. Put the oxygen mask on yourself before giving it to anyone, including a youngster.
It's not selfish to protect and care for oneself, and it's good to do so daily. Helping people without hurting them is vital, but only when performed without self-harm.
Finally, assertiveness does not imply poor education. Before people will help you, you must first take care of yourself.