We form our identities and personalities through social interaction. “These secure connections facilitate autonomy and independence,” says clinical psychology professor and psychologist Paul Greenman [1]. Connecting with others is important, but what happens when our limits aren't respected and it hurts us? Limits: how to reset and keep them?
Here are 6 ways to set and respect emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and intellectual limitations.
We usually realise our boundaries after crossing them. Knowing them without breaking in would be great. Identifying your emotions and sentiments in uncomfortable situations helps you (re)connect with yourself. The body can convey discomfort (tremors, stomach aches, dizziness, tension, nausea, etc.).
Thus, one must listen to and understand one's mental and bodily states to gradually define one's area to be kept. Instead of exhausting one's resources for the other, one should preserve and use them better in the relationship.
Identifying your requirements will help you create a framework that promotes healthy relationships by harmonising investment in a relationship and its interactions. You must grasp the goal behind the restriction to feel justified in taking care of yourself: it is neither aggressive nor selfish, and you do not need scruples.
Communicating boundaries is much more crucial because everyone has different boundaries. Don't be rigid—limits for a coworker will be different from those for a loved one. There is potential for flexibility, but avoid allowing others to take advantage of you and make exceptions the norm. Communication, behaviour, and attitude must match.
Remember that expressing your limitations sends a message to others, but it doesn't have to be violent or impede conversation (Non-Violent conversation practices might help). You are delivering information and must be factual, concise, and impartial. Be firm and honest. You can first act on your mental and physical health.
Saying “no” entails taking responsibility in the process. creating responsibility by letting others become independent and stop relying on you. We prefer self-imposed suffering to confrontation when we don't like it. Knowing why you're doing them might prevent unpleasant reactions. You must respect your own limits to consistently request from others.
When setting limitations, you must expect that not everyone, including loved ones, will agree. We typically don't set limits for fear of rejection, disappointment, suffering, confrontation, and conflict.
Don't be "mean" as if setting limitations punishes others. We incorrectly believe it's simpler to bear and accept than to articulate our wants, so we put others' needs before our own.
We forget and tyre ourselves. Understanding why these boundaries were required for you will help you avoid self-doubt and questioning your choices. If your interlocutor is resistive, don't justify or persuade. Despite guilt and doubt, be determined.
Set limitations, and they may be broken. Be prepared to avoid being surprised by their non-compliance. This must be said directly and simply to avoid ruminating, feeling guilty, and resenting the other. Pointing out that someone hasn't respected your limits doesn't have to end your relationship.