Can't we be friends with our kids? Parents are still astonished when advised that becoming best friends with their young children or teenagers is bad.
To become their equals diminishes our authority and puts us in a contradictory, awkward, and unhelpful position. Both for them and us. Many try to do this.
Moms desire to be their daughter's confidant and greatest friend. Parents also want to be the best playmate, collaborator, and jokester. All of this is good and enriching.
Limits must be observed. Parents cannot be on the same level as their children or they lose authority.
The regulations lose power when the status changes. A child may think anything is permitted since there are no limitations. In a world where everyone is buddies, rules are pointless. Think about it.
The Epidemic of Narcissism authors Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell consider this. They believe that symmetry in parent-child relationships is contributing to the rise in narcissists.
Friendship with your child means surrendering authority. This authority will be needed to set restrictions that will guide their progress. This is mixing compassionate parenting with authority to help kids grow. Find out why.
Definitions of “friend” and “parent” should be considered before answering why we cannot be friends with our children. Friendship is altruistic emotional bonding. They feel equal and have no influence over each other in this connection.
Parenting involves loving, educating, protecting, guiding, and caring for a child. All this is done from power. Rules must be followed for this support to be valid and enriching.
Because they constantly remind children of their responsibilities, these rules keep them safe. A dad who wants to be his kids' best friend is neglectful.
Psychological stress from parents being friends
Dr. Susan Silverberg found an intriguing fact in her University of Illinois investigation. Some divorced mothers want to be best friends with their teenage daughter since she's their support. It encourages them to communicate issues that may not be helpful for their children.
This study demonstrates that many mothers automatically discuss their financial, work, and emotional issues with their new partners with their teenage or pre-teen daughters. They don't realise this causes adolescent psychological anguish.
Children becoming “landfill friends” is counterproductive closeness. Parents should reduce their children's anxiety, not increase it.
Some things should be avoided when creating trust with kids. The end doesn't justify the means. There are sensible ways to maintain communication channels open and a tight relationship without compromising power. That's crucial.
Another strong reason: children need parents to validate their needs. People who guide, are available, and want the best for them.
If we base the connection on friendship, much is lost. Child or teenager sees us as equals, or in the same circumstances. This person may share his insecurities and needs.
Constant disagreement leads to unstable attachment. Remember that children need education. Not being a friend is the best approach to help kids.