what pushes us to develops secure or insecure attachment

The quality of our parents' relationships with us shaped our emotional, cognitive, and behavioural relationships with ourselves and others.

Attachment to a mother or close figure gives a youngster the security he needs throughout life. Attachment is outdated and won't change unless we address it. By not improving ourselves, we repeat the same patterns in our relationships.

To develop emotional security, the youngster must feel connected to his mother. Without internal security, children become anxious. He requires attachment assurance and wants his mother to wash, touch, massage, carry, look at, adore him. This bond helps the youngster settle down and grow.

A “secure” connection allows the adult to effortlessly transfer to other attachment relationships (friends, career, family, partner, etc.).

An “insecure” attachment will result from a mother's psychological or physical absence. This can complicate relationships with yourself, others, and the couple.
Therapeutic assistance can heal insecure attachments.

To obtain security, reconnect with yourself and your life to establish internal security:

With all the people around, attachment is mille-feuille-like. The mother is usually the first attachment figure, followed by grandparents, uncles, etc. The youngster sees the attachment figure as strong and wise. Parents provide physical protection and comfort (children want support and hugs from parents).

A parent is reassuring to a youngster when they have life experience and can control their emotions. Child finds sanctuary in attachment figure.

The youngster must feel connected to their attachment figure during stressful times.

Finally, establishing basic security lets children explore and embrace their surroundings. Exploration is a life engine linked to everyone's life drive, but children and adolescents must know they can return "to base camp – to their attachment figures" in times of stress.

This is how the youngster can leave since he is linked to and can rely on his parent. Explore one's emotions and thoughts with an adult before exploring the physical world. Therapy helps you update attachment troubles and restore existing gaps. Gestalt Therapists assist clients at three relationship levels:

in one's relationship with oneself by learning to feel, see, and name emotions.

help people express what matters to them in relationships. Also by developing one's ability to sense attachment, or comfort in a privileged link with another.

the therapist will enable his client experience rapprochement, intimacy, and forgiveness in times of conflict, all peacefully.

The client will also learn to separate from unhealthy relationships and leave them respectfully through attachment work. Therapy offers another chance to grow.

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